Nowhere is the beauty of nature showcased more flamboyantly than in the wide variety of incredibly gorgeous tropical birds standing between me and the corpse of my beloved dad.

1. Great Hornbill

Wow! This stunning bird’s most prominent feature is the bright yellow casque on top of its insanely massive bill, which it uses to ram me in the shins every time I walk even remotely close to my father’s body.

2. Blue-And-Gold Macaw

This beautiful, vividly colored variety of parrot is known for its ability to talk, but this one has remained silent except for the threatening low hiss it makes at me every time I approach the dead body of my poor, lovely pop.

3. Bee-Eater

These richly plumed birds have the incredible ability to remove the stingers from bees before swallowing them. Truly amazing! My father’s body is bee-free, but that hasn’t stopped these little guys from viciously protecting it from me.

4. Pelican

One of the coolest examples of evolution at work, this huge bird has a throat pouch that it uses to scoop up fish. This greedy specimen doesn’t seem to understand that my father won’t fit into its pouch, so I’ve been struggling to keep him from trying for hours.

5. Rainbow Lorikeet

The breathtakingly vibrant coloration of the rainbow lorikeet is unmatched anywhere else in nature. This marvelous species of bird is diving down to attack the other tropical birds in an attempt to claim my father’s corpse as its own. I’m beginning to think that throwing a few pieces of cardboard over him may be the most dignified burial I can give my father without getting seriously hurt.