Every now and then something happens in the world of sports that becomes an immortal moment, destined to be celebrated and retold for the rest of time. Witnessing one of these events is rare, but in my time as a lifelong sports fan, I’ve been fortunate enough to be crouched in the bushes, peering out so secret and seeing them as they happened six times nearby. I’ll tell you which one they were. Here are six legendary moments in sports history I seen from the bushes.
1. Roger Bannister Breaks The Four-Minute Mile (1954)
Who could hope to describe the combination of poetry and strength on display when Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile? It was one of the greatest athletic achievements of all time and I seen it so close up from my secret spot in the bushes. Roger Bannister was huffing and puffing and when he ran past the bushes I could hear the change jingling in his pocket. On one of the laps he ran past the bushes and I heard him mumble to himself, “I hate running. I wish I was slower so they’d let me stay home.” It was an amazing thing to have seen and I got the chance to see it thanks to the bushes, where I was.
2. The Miracle On Ice (1980)
The Miracle On Ice at the 1980 Winter Olympics was true David and Goliath story for the ages—a scrappy U.S. hockey team made up of college players, talented but inexperienced, facing off against the heavily favored Soviet Union and emerging victorious against all odds. It’s hands-down one of the greatest upsets in sports history, and I seen it all so secret from behind the leaves and twigs. I was quiet and nobody knew about me but I was close enough to see Mike Eruzione’s sharp and terrible teeth and he’ll never know because I seen them from bushes: Invisible.
3. Hank Aaron Breaks Babe Ruth’s Home Run Record (1974)
Baseball history was made when Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run and broke Babe Ruth’s career home run record–one of the most hallowed records in American sports. As the new Home Run King rounded the bases on his way into the history books, I was there seeing him in a hidden way from within the bushes and that’s from where I seen it happen. I was in the bushes and Hank Aaron ran past the bush I was hiding in and I heard the loose change jiggling in his pocket while he rounded the bases. While he was jogging past the bases, Hank Aaron looked into the bushes and he saw me hiding there and I winked at him.
4. Michael Jordan’s Flu Game (1997)
Michael Jordan’s legendary “Flu Game” in the 1997 NBA Finals against the Utah Jazz has become one of the most famous basketball games in NBA History. It was a once-in-a-lifetime sports moment and I spied it all while I was peeping out from within a bush nearby. I looked through the branches and saw Michael Jordan working hard even though he looked carsick. I was unseen inside the foliage and so Scotty Pippin never knew it, but I saw him and he looked like he was having so much fun playing basketball. Yes, I seen it all—from the first quarter to the last—from inside the bushes that I set myself up in nice and hidden.
5. American Pharoah Wins The Triple Crown (2015)
Thirty-seven years had passed since a racehorse had won the Triple Crown, but American Pharoah changed all that with a legendary series of victories that I seen from the bushes and have traveled here to tell you about. None of the humans knew I was in the bushes, but American Pharoah knew I was in the bushes because during the Kentucky Derby I reached out of the bushes holding an apple and American Pharoah ate the apple out of my hand. American Pharoah couldn’t tell anyone I was in the bushes because as a horse he is not allowed to talk to anyone.
6. USA Wins The Curling Gold Medal At The Winter Olympics (2018)
Curling fans the world over were cheering when U.S. team captain John Shuster finally won the Olympic Gold he’d been chasing his entire career. And as well I am pleased to announce I seen it unfold from beginning to end from the bushes. I was close enough to hear the brooms on the ice and it sounded like crickets who were insane. All the curling players were sliding past the bushes on the ice and I could hear them whispering to each other, “The people in the stands are fake curling fans. They don’t really love curling. They’re just pretending to make us feel better. All the real curling fans are asleep at home.” I heard them whisper this when I was in the bushes and hearing them from where I seen them from: the bushes. Nobody saw me except for Hank Aaron, who was in the crowd watching and while he was cheering he accidentally looked into the bushes and saw me. I winked at him and he got up and left.
