Think God is the only deity who’s turned his back on you? Think again! Every higher power in the Universe has forsaken you. Here are just a few!

1. Osiris

Osiris, Egyptian God of the Afterlife, possesses remarkable power, capable of saving you from any and all hardship! The bad news, though, is that he has turned his back on you, and your anguish means nothing to him.

2. Quetzalcoatl

This Feathered Serpent, who is the Morning Star and the Evening Star, does not care about you.

3. Dagon

Your overwhelming despair does not perturb the mighty Dagon, Philistine Fish God and Bringer of Grain. He has forgotten you, and he will grant you no solace.

4. Forseti

According to the ancient verses of the Elder Edda, Forseti, Norse God of Justice, “dwells throughout all time, and every strife allays.” The Elder Edda must not know what it’s talking about, though, because Forseti couldn’t possibly care less about allaying your strife. Your strife is a very low priority for Forseti.

5. Azathoth

Azathoth, the slumbering, sightless Prince of Daemons, who dwells dreaming in the center of rippling Chaos beyond the ordered Universe in a palace whose dimensions defy all conceivable geometries, and whose malicious idiocy birthed the world, thinks you’re garbage.

6. Ba’al

In your bleakest moments, in the throes of profound tribulations, you might be tempted to cry out to Ba’al, primordial Bringer of Rain. Don’t bother, though. Ba’al isn’t a fan of you.

7. Athena

The Ancient Greeks called this powerful goddess “Athena, Builder of Fortresses.” You can call her whatever you want, because she isn’t listening to you.