Mental health remains a hot button topic in our society. Yet despite the increased awareness, resources still remain unaffordable. Even for those who are committed to improving their mental wellness, it can be difficult to get help.
It seemed like the best way to explore this issue would be to allow people with mental illness to speak for themselves, so we put an ad out on Craigslist looking for volunteers. What follows is the result: A frank conversation about mental health between one woman with depression and one woman with a glass eye, who was the only other person to respond to our listing.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: I’m not sure I even remember when it started. I guess I always had it? Is that depressing? [Laughs.] Even as a kid I remember having these long periods where I felt—“the black cloud” is what I called it—this overwhelming and deep sadness.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: 15 years. 15 years for me.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: Because I’d been suffering so long, I thought depression was just how I was. I thought it was normal to stay in bed, have trouble responding to texts, have lapses in memory…
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: Struggle with depth perception…
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: That’s interesting. I haven’t experienced that.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: A lot of people think you shouldn’t drive with it, but you just have to turn your head more.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: See, that just goes to show how different mental illness can be for each person.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: [Chewing and nodding.]
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: People like to say that when they finally went to therapy, everything changed. But for me, it was a long road. I had to try six different therapists, all with different pricing and insurance offerings, before finally finding one I clicked with who I could actually afford.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: I wanted a blue eye but it was more expensive.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: And it was the same story with antidepressants. I went on like, seven different ones before finding the right fit. And even still I’m a little nervous there’s going to be a day I have to tell my psychiatrist it’s not working anymore.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: A Russian man put in my eye.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: Yeah, I think—no I’m not sure the ethnicity of my psychiatrist. We don’t really get into that kind of thing during the session.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: [More chewing.]
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: What are you eating?
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: Nutritional yeast.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: I didn’t realize you could just eat it like that, right out of the container.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: [Chewing and nodding.]
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: But yeah, I’m grateful for the progress I’ve made, but I’d be lying if I said depression didn’t majorly interfere with my life. And it can be scary to explain the situation to a new romantic partner. I have to be like, “Hey, I’m probably going to get really, really sad at some point… and you’re not gonna like being around me…”
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: And then they beg you to do tricks with your eye. “Please, take out your eye, show us your socket!” So you go, okay. I’ll take out my eye. I’ll show you my socket. But then they won’t even pay you for it!
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: That sounds difficult.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: It’s always your own family too. Thinking they deserve to see your socket for free.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: It’s true, those closest to us can have the hardest time understanding what’s going on.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: No one gets to see my socket for free.
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: Right, yeah, I think I see what you mean, how no one should think they know more about your own illness than you. Besides like, doctors, obviously.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: [Chewing.]
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: But everyone deserves a strong support system, and my hope for the future is that as mental illness is destigmatized, resources will become more affordable and accessible too.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: [Removes glass eye from socket.]
WOMAN WITH DEPRESSION: Oh my God. Whoa.
WOMAN WITH A GLASS EYE: You looked at my socket. You need to give me $30. Give me $30, sad lady.
