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Apple Fans Rejoice! The Company Is Hiring A New Retail Associate

Hold on to your hats, Apple fans, because according to insiders, we’ve got some exciting news! The tech giant has just announced its latest venture. That’s right: Jacob Palgon, a recent graduate of De Anza College, will be starting tomorrow as a first-time retail associate at Apple’s Chestnut Street location in San Francisco.

Yup. You heard it here first!

“Apple has been committed to providing customers with top-of-the-line salespeople for years, but you’ve never seen anything like Jacob,” said Ashley Porter, a company representative. “His incredible speed, fast memory, and eye-catching exterior make him a hit not just among men, but also among women of all age demographics.”

We haven’t seen something this big since we first glimpsed the iPad. And while competitors might have their own associates with horn-rimmed glasses and a passion for retail, you know they don’t have Apple’s customer satisfaction guarantee!

“I caught a peek of him getting set up through the window, and I gotta say, I think people are really gonna respond well to him,” said Mark Hempstead, a customer who has waited hours for associates in the past. “I never used to be an Apple guy, but I almost got into a fistfight with someone when he tried to cut the line.”

Apple fans, you know the drill: If you really want a piece of Jacob, get there early, because there just aren’t enough retail associates to go around. So, what are you waiting for? Get out there!