Marriage always has its ups and downs, but just be thankful you’re not married to this lady from Brewster, MA, who is putting her husband through an ordeal that will make your blood absolutely boil: This woman won’t let her husband go eat salt water taffy with the boys.
Is she fucking serious?! God, what a bitch.
After a long day of work, there’s no better way to unwind than popping open a wholesale tub of salt water taffy and eating the entire thing in one sitting with the boys, which is precisely how Harold Salisbury, 56, intended to take the edge off after a particularly stressful day at the office today. But just as all the boys pulled up in a minivan outside Harold’s house to pick him up for another night of throwing back taffy after taffy and piggyback fighting down at a local dockyard, Harold’s wife, Patricia, randomly decided to be a huge bitch and forbid Harold from going.
“I feel like I’ve barely seen you lately. You come home from work, immediately go out with your friends, and don’t come back until well after midnight, sticky and reeking of salt water taffy,” Patricia nagged her husband. “You’ve spent $300 on taffy this week alone, Harold. Tonight, I’d like you to stay home. Is spending one evening with the kids and I honestly too much to ask? Please, go outside and tell your friends no salt water taffy tonight.”
God DAMN, what a fucking ghoul. Why’s she gotta be so needy and controlling?!
No matter how much Harold protested or explained that the boys were already parked outside waiting for him with a 5lb. bucket of assorted salt water taffy flavors—including root beer, his very favorite—the heartless hag refused to back down. Harold, realizing that he was fighting a losing battle, sulked his way out front towards the minivan, in which all his salt water taffy-eating buddies were blasting marching band music and giddily tucking in their shirts, and told the fellas he wouldn’t be able to hang.
Damn, what a bummer.
Strong male friendship is a rare and special thing, and for Patricia to forbid Harold from throwing back salt water taffy by the pound with all his closest buddies until the wee hours of the morning is truly an evil move. Men need these close relationships with buddies to help them cope with the endless misery of life, and by taking that away from Harold, Patricia is not only ruining his night but full-on waging a war against his mental health. Hopefully Harold leaves her soon, because no one deserves to be married to someone this wretched.