Any fine performance deserves a round of applause, and the show currently being put on by this 29-year-old partygoer is certainly worth a standing ovation: This woman at a housewarming party is doing an incredibly convincing job making it seem like she’s going to start watching Abbott Elementary.
Brava, lady! Brava!
While it would be the genuine truth for Ellie Paskitze of Brooklyn, NY to say that she’s flat out never going to watch Abbott Elementary, it would come off as bizarrely rude to admit such a thing to ardent fans of the show—which is why Ellie has been giving the performance of a lifetime for the past ten minutes as she successfully convinces everyone around her that she will indeed “check it out as soon as possible.” After hearing an impassioned speech from her college friend about how Abbott Elementary is “literally amazing,” the masterful actress asked, “Where can I watch that?” knowing full well it doesn’t matter where she can watch it, because she’s never, ever going to do that. And upon learning where she can stream the show, Ellie continued to develop her character of “Woman Who Will Most Certainly Be Watching Abbott Elementary” as she added, “Oh, Hulu, nice, I have that, yeah.”
Aha! See, Ellie doesn’t really have Hulu, yet these people all think she does! Well done, Ellie! Well done!
But the true climax of Ellie’s performance was still to come! After her friends continued on to explain that the show is “about a Philadelphia public school,” and “really realistic about education and schooling stuff,” Ellie delivered a line so believably that it’s shocking she hasn’t yet won an Oscar: “Oh yeah, my good friend’s a teacher in Philly, so it’ll definitely hit close to home.”
They’re eating out of the palm of your hand, Ellie! “Close to home?” Ellie hasn’t spoken to that friend in years! That friend might not even be a teacher anymore for all she knows!
All the more impressive is how Ellie has remained steadfast in her performance despite the numerous challenges thrown her way. Even though she excused herself to get another drink, thus shifting out of character and re-inhabiting the mindset a woman who has zero interest in Abbott Elementary, when she returned, not only was the group still talking Abbott, but two new people had joined, both of whom were Abbott stans! Fortunately, Ellie’s acting abilities stood the test, because before the new conversationalists could even tell her about how the show is a “regular sitcom but funny,” she seamlessly slipped back into character to say that while she hadn’t watched it yet, she had plans to queue it up the second she got home from the party.
Yes, Ellie! They believe every word you say! One might even text you tomorrow to hear how you liked it!
Simply fantastic. If you’re at this party right now, grab some popcorn and enjoy the rest of Ellie’s performance, because acting this good should be celebrated.
