Big Bird is some kind of huge chicken who might have recently killed a person. He has to appear in court next week to stand trial for murder. Unfortunately, Big Bird has no idea how you’re supposed to behave in court, and if left to his own devices he will cause lots of problems for himself. He needs some coaching. Can you teach Big Bird to act appropriately during his upcoming murder trial? Take this quiz to find out!
Can You Teach Big Bird To Act Appropriately In Court During His Upcoming Murder Trial?
1. I would instruct Big Bird to tell the jury that the feathers probably came from Grover.
2. Sounds like we’ve got a killer named Bag Bird on the loose! I’d tell Big Bird to tell the police to look for Bag Bird.
3. I would instruct Big Bird to tell the jury that the feathers are his, but he found the French Ambassador after he was already dead and tried to bring him back to life by dumping a pile of feathers on him.
4. Lots of people shed big piles of yellow feathers when they’re killing people. They could have come from anyone. I’d tell Big Bird to just ignore it.
1. I would tell Big Bird that the bugs and spiders in his trash bag already know everything and are professors at Harvard, so there’s no need to continue teaching them stuff.
2. I would donate the bag of bugs and spiders to Syria and tell Big Bird that “his students” joined ISIS.
3. I would drop a calculator in the trash bag and tell Big Bird that the bugs and spiders are learning math from the calculator, so his services are no longer necessary.
4. I’d actually let Big Bird keep yelling lessons at the bugs. Maybe a few jury members also like to carry around a big bag of insects and teach them things, so they’ll find Big Bird more relatable.
1. I would urge Big Bird to include more specific details in his alibi, such as where he was looking at Elmo, and what Elmo was doing while Big Bird looked at him.
2. I would urge Big Bird to include more specific details in his alibi, such as whether or not he was looking at Elmo in the dark, or looking at Elmo from far away.
3. I would tell Big Bird to change his alibi from “looking at Elmo” to “staring at Elmo.”
4. I would tell Big Bird that any alibi he says is fine as long as he whispers it.
1. I would have Big Bird sterilized by a veterinarian or car mechanic in order to make sure he can’t lay any eggs in court.
2. I would tell Big Bird that everyone in the courtroom has already seen Gordon Ramsay do a similar trick on an episode of MasterChef, so if he does it nobody will be impressed.
3. I would tell Big Bird that he can make money if he sells his eggs on Craigslist, and he’s just wasting them by doing his Special Trick for free.
4. Big Bird’s Special Trick actually sounds really impressive. I would let him go for it. Maybe it will make the jury stand up and cheer.
1. I would stand outside the courtroom with a tennis racket to swat away any birds that get close to Big Bird.
2. I would explain to Big Bird that he is the only Big Bird and I would prove this by eating a family-sized bucket of KFC in front of him and showing him how when I eat the chicken, nothing bad happens to him because he is not other birds.
3. If a bird gets into the courtroom, I will put a nametag on it that says, “Hello, my name is Reggie,” so that when Big Bird sees the regular-sized bird he’ll say, “I thought that bird was me. But it’s Reggie.”
4. Big Bird is right. Those birds are Big Bird. Every bird is Big Bird.
1. I’ll make a note of that.
1. I would make Big Bird wear a pair of earmuffs in court so he cannot hear the gavel sound.
2. I would tell Big Bird that Cookie Monster was lying and that the Romans never crucified Jesus. I would tell him Jesus passed away at the age of 63 because he accidentally inhaled his own beard in his sleep and suffocated.
3. I would give Big Bird immersion therapy by showing him pictures of hammers for 12 continuous hours prior to his appearance in court.
4. Look, it’s entirely possible that the judge is going to use his gavel to crucify Big Bird. He has every right to be afraid.
All 7 questions completed!
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