1. Sorry, no money, but here is a drawing of $6!

2. Thank you for not getting very many croutons in my water like I asked 🙂

3. I'd love to see you again! Unfortunately, this is my first and last time ever eating food.

4. Great job with the plates and cups and everything!

5. My apologies but I am too shy to pay 🙁

6. I thought you would be the most beautiful thing I’d see all day but then I saw this receipt <3

7. Hope my phone number is better than a tip! -Guy who ordered 7 orders of macaroni bites and insisted you didn’t let me have any water.

8. Thank you for letting me order alcohol even though I am clearly 11 years old. It truly meant a lot.

9. You were an amazing waitress! Thank you for taking the time to explain all of the different types of syrup and which flavor of syrup you would date if you had to choose one and repeatedly reminding me not to pour syrup on my salad. It was all very helpful.

10. Me. You. Bathroom. July 13th, 2039.

11. Thank you for telling my disabled son to shut the fuck up. I wish I would have done that a long time ago.

12. I’m sorry you died mid-shift. Here is $11, I hope it helps 🙂

13. No one will believe me when I tell them my waitress was Jimmy Fallon!

14. Thank you for the wonderful Ultimate Endless Shrimp experience, I am sorry that I am still eating the shrimp. We are going to be here a while.

15. I know this is a Home Depot but I still consider you my waitress.

16. I am a happily married man with two kids. Despite loving my family very much, for the past few years I have been having an online affair with another man. Recently, I discovered that he had passed away in a car accident. Since no one knows of my relationship with this man (I’ll call him Harold) I have no one to comfort me in my grief. I’m considering traveling to Harold’s funeral (which is in another state) to help gain some closure, but I don’t know what I’d tell my wife. I suspect she can detect that something is wrong. Nothing physical ever happened between us, but I have no idea how she would react if she were to find out that I am attracted to men. I have been a nervous wreck about how to handle the entire thing, but my experience today at Hooters was so unbelievable that I think I now have clarity on how to move forward. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

17. Great taste of food!

18. (Mustard fingerprint)

19. Ahhhh! Appetizers rock!

20. I see that you have billed me for a “glass of pepperoni.” Ma’am, I did NOT order this but I will GLADLY pay for it.

21. (Photorealistic drawing of a Na’vi from Avatar eating a Cheddar Bay Biscuit)

22. Tap water was great as usual!

23. I am so sorry I repeatedly mistook you for Whoopi Goldberg. My apologies to Miss Goldberg as well.

24. Please take this beautiful song in lieu of a cash tip: Dadda-da, be boop de doop da dooty, voo voo voo, awa wa wa de doop.