Grocery shopping often feels like a rote chore. That’s why it’s so refreshing to see one supermarket giant offer a new, free service that could elevate any routine food run into a pleasant, even rewarding experience: Whole Foods just announced that customers are free to weigh big ass titties in the produce scales if they ever feel like it.
What a simple but genius way to improve the customer experience. Whole Foods is truly going the extra mile!
At a press conference earlier today, Whole Foods declared that if customers ever feel inclined to weigh fat-ass boobs that got some swing on ‘em, they can go on ahead and plop those things in the produce scales at any Whole Foods store location, regardless of whether they plan to make any purchases afterwards. Recognizing how difficult it can be to calculate the heft of serious mommy milkers using a step-on bathroom scale at home, Whole Foods explained that their produce scales are pretty much at chest height for the majority of people, making the accommodation an easy, zero-cost way to both reward loyal shoppers and attract new ones.
“We believe in setting ourselves apart from other grocery chains. Letting consumers check out the exact poundage of bust they’re working with is just one way we show that,” said Whole Foods CEO John Mackey. He then demonstrated the new policy in front of reporters by taking one of his wife’s double-G cup assets and dumping it into a produce scale with a loud thud, bolting the scale’s red dial up to the 3.5 lbs mark and eliciting an eruption of applause from the crowd.
“It’s natural to be curious about how much your breasts weigh. Now, if you’d like to quantify just how buxom you are, simply head on down to your local Whole Foods and plop those puppies in one of our fruit, vegetable, or deli scales, free of charge. Please note that if you’re under five feet tall, we’re not putting step stools out there, but you can feel free to climb up on a pile of vegetables to weigh your canons—or maybe ask a strong friend to lift you up until your tits reach the scale. Whatever makes your shopping experience at Whole Foods the best it can be.”
Yup, Whole Foods is about to gain a lot of new customers with this sensible new service!
Don’t be surprised if you see other supermarket chains start letting people weigh fat fucking titties in their produce scales soon, because this is seriously genius. Whole Foods just threw down the gauntlet and proved once and for all why they’re so far ahead of their competitors. Way to put people first, Whole Foods!
