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Goodbye Chickens And Cows! Scientists Have Developed A Single Animal Capable Of Producing Milk, Eggs, Meat, And Grain

Finally, a better way to produce food than farming!

Using innovative genetic engineering technology, scientists from Virginia Tech have succeeded in merging all your favorite plants and animals together into a single creature, so pretty soon everything in your fridge will be produced inside one of the amazing new animals they’re calling a “foodnode.”

“We believe foodnodes can someday be used to replace current farming practices, which waste miles and miles of land on crops and livestock,” said Dr. David Hausler, a researcher from Virginia Tech’s College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. “Whether it’s beef, chicken meat, milk, grain, or the eggs that come from the foodnode’s udders, you can make everything a human would want to consume.”

“Most recently, researchers produced a foodnode with pork membrane removable from the rear,” added Hausler. “This will revolutionize American farming as we know it.”

Wow. Pretty cool, huh?

Vegetarians shouldn’t worry about being left out either! To get fruits and vegetables, just reach inside one of the foodnode’s orifices and feel around for tumors. Each one is a different type of produce. Yank the lump free, peel off the skin, and you’ve got everything from apples to broccoli!

So, how long before foodnodes start replacing America’s farms for good? Well, scientists say current foodnodes have lifespans of approximately two minutes, but it’s only a matter of time before these gentle beasts change how America produces and consumes food!