If you have poor self-esteem and would like to feel a little better about yourself, here’s a story of a man doing something so astoundingly pitiful that it’ll immediately make you feel better about your own miserable situation: This man is pathetically searching his empty box of chocolates for a second layer.
Oof. Desperation is not a good look!
The downright painful ordeal began when fully grown man Louis Ducomb ate what was very clearly the last piece of the Harry & David assorted chocolate truffles box he had recently been regifted by a family member who didn’t want it. Rather than eat the candy in a dignified manner, however, he instead shamelessly wolfed down everything in the box within half an hour, and once he’d finished all the visible chocolates—including the weird yellow-ish nut-speckled ones he doesn’t even like but nonetheless ate—he immediately began rifling through the empty paper cups left in the box in a hopeless and frankly barbaric effort to uncover a possible second layer of chocolates, as if he lives in some Willy Wonka-esque fantasyland in which more candy is somehow lying in wait behind every opaque surface.
He truly seems to believe that fumbling around with the edges of the plastic liner at the bottom of the box is going to pay off in a hidden trove of extra chocolates any second now, like the box’s emptiness is a sentient, benevolent force that he is capable of bargaining with. No doubt if the family member who regifted Ducomb the box of candy had known he’d wind up like this, hunched ogreishly on his couch, shirt covered with sprinkles, feverishly groping around the empty box as a mindless reflex of having gone more than 30 seconds without sugary matter in his gaping maw, they’d have sooner smothered him with it than let someone they care about so irreparably degrade himself.
There but for the grace of God.
To be clear, there are absolutely boxes of chocolate that contain second or even third layers of chocolates, but Ducomb is choosing to ignore a wealth of evidence indicating that this is obviously not one of those cases. The nearby lid clearly states that the box contains 20 pieces, all accounted for in the first layer’s four-by-five layout, and the remaining empty space beneath the liner could not possibly contain more chocolates of the same size as the ones he just boorishly devoured without violating all known principles of three dimensional geometry. If he wanted to, the poor lout could put himself out of his misery simply by picking up the box and realizing that its weight alone definitively precludes the possibility of further sweet treats, but in his vast, seemingly limitless disgrace, he is opting not to do so.
Woof. Get your shit together, man!
It is deeply depressing to watch an adult human being debase himself like this, and we pray to God that we never get anywhere near this point in life. Here’s hoping he gives up on his hunt for another layer of chocolates soon, because we’re not sure how much more secondhand humiliation we can take.
