Some things just aren’t meant to last forever, and menstruation is unfortunately one of them. That’s why it’s so essential to cherish the final moments of your period, and why it’s so heartbreaking when someone throws their last days of uterine bleeding away. Case in point: this woman is absolutely squandering her final period before menopause.
How upsetting. Don’t just sit on the couch and complain about your cramps like you’re gonna get another period next month, lady! Savor every second of this!
Although 52-year-old Molly Langley of Bismarck, ND should be soaking in every moment of the very last menstrual period of her life, she’s choosing to act as though this isn’t her final chance to make the most of her cycle. Molly could have chosen to go all out for her last period by hitting the health food store and buying some of the expensive, organic cotton tampons she’d never sprung for before, but instead she’s decided to throw the whole thing down the drain and use the last of the scratchy, cardboard ones from her office bathroom that she found floating around at the bottom of her purse. Worse still, Molly is knocking back Midol after Midol without relishing its chalky taste, clearly under the impression that she’ll be continuing to pop menstrual relief pills for years to come. Doesn’t she realize that her recent hot flashes and urine leakage were clear signs of perimenopause? There isn’t much time left!
C’mon, Molly! Really have some fun with this! In fact, don’t even bother with tampons — give free bleeding a shot! It’s your last chance!
Molly could be spending her final days with her period making a scrapbook commemorating all of the incredible period moments from her past, like the time she accidentally bled through her jeans in high school and had to stay seated in the chair after class so no one would see, but instead she seems to be content to just sit on the couch with a heating pad while rewatching Friends like she’s just gonna keep shedding her uterine lining every month for the rest of time. Get with it, Molly! It’s time to call your best girlfriends over and reminisce about all the awesome menstrual memories from your 38 years worth of cycles, because they’re almost over!
Molly, when your menopausal and post-menopausal vulva is bone-dry for the rest of your life, you’re going to wish that you really appreciated your final period. It’s not too late — why not try out a menstrual cup for the first time? Make this a period to remember!
You’d think that after all these years of menstruating, Molly would be sad to see her period winding down, but no: in fact, when she woke up this morning to see that she had gotten blood on her sheets, she merely dumped a bunch of OxyClean onto her bed while cursing her uterus under her breath. Did she not realize that those were the last sheets she’d ever wring blood out of as if they’d come straight from a murder scene? She should have saved the sheets! She should have had them framed! Look, there’s no right way to do it – just don’t waste the moment, Molly!
At this point, we have to wonder how many more periods Molly thought she’d have after this one, because she is not exactly making the most of the experience. Someone her age should certainly know better. Hopefully, in the next few days, Molly will have the chance to really cherish the last time that she leaves home without a tampon because she thinks her period is over, but somehow ends up bleeding all over her favorite underwear anyway. At least, that’s the best we can hope for her. To everyone reading this, let this be a lesson to you: celebrate every period like it’s your last!