Between owning six highly influential companies and his new gig as the head of the Department of Government Efficiency, Elon Musk doesn’t have much time for parenting his 14 children. Fortunately, Musk’s brilliant solution will ensure that his next child won’t suffer the pains of an absentee father, because Musk has announced that he’s now using CRISPR technology to make his next child born with an attached dad.
Whoa, this is so awesome!
Thanks to CRISPR technology, Musk will work with a team of scientists to alter the embryo’s genetic code so that his child is born holding hands with an attached father figure—thereby ensuring that Musk’s next kid never feels fatherless the way that the other dozen or so presumably do. The attached dad will be present for all the fatherly milestones that Musk will inevitably miss, whether it be the child’s first words or their senior prom, because the vaguely human-shaped blob will always be right there, slumped onto the floor just off to the child’s left side. And although the father figure will not be able to speak, move, think, or breathe (meaning no father/child games of catch, sadly), the father will never once miss a piano recital or soccer game, because it physically cannot be separated without causing immediate death for the child.
Ughhh, where was this technology when we were growing up?!
Though Musk has received some heat recently for being an absentee parent, an innovation like this all but ensures he’s actually father of the year! We’re so jealous of this next kid—we wish our dads were Elon Musk and an attached amorphous growth!
