DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG!!!

You hear that, motherfuckers? The Meal Bell is tolling, and that can only mean one thing: 

IT’S LUNCHTIME, BABY!!!!!!! 

Get the fuck up from your desk, throw your computer on the floor, and hustle your ass over to wherever the hell there is awesome-tasting food. If anyone tries to stop you, Stone Cold Stunner their ass and keep moving, because it’s lunchtime, bitch!!! Woo!!!

See some chips? Put that shit in your mouth! See a big, fat chicken parm sandwich? Put that shit in your mouth, too! See some salad? Fuck that noise, eat some different food, instead, because lunch is the time for TASTY. SHIT. ONLY!!!

NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!!! (and that’s the sound of LUNCH).

For the next 30 minutes, everything can fuck off except for lunch. Your work, your family, your faith—all of it can fuck off right to hell. The only thing that matters now is getting a fat-ass burrito or some shrimps or something and stuffing your mouth full of delicious taste. You don’t even have to chew! Just swallow that shit whole, who cares, IT’S LUNCH!!!

Pizza! Hamburgers! Ham sandwiches! Shawarma! Microwavable meal pouches from Trader Joe’s! These are all examples of lunch, baby! And you get to eat your lunch RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!! Isn’t that amazing?!? What a beautiful fucking world! How lucky are we to get to do this shit every fucking day? Goddamn! 

Lunch…such a special fucking time. Be sure to savor that food, motherfuckers, for lunch only comes but once a day. Fuckin’ savor it.

Bon appétit, bitches.