Companies like H&M know the importance of customer safety, which is why the clothing giant is taking extra precautions to put its shoppers’ minds at ease: H&M has added a Life Alert button to its dressing rooms to save people who have a stroke seeing how good they look in jeans.
Good on you, H&M. This will go a long way toward ensuring that nobody dies an easily preventable death in any of your stores.
Help is now just a button-push away for those who shop at H&M, should they ever try on a pair of jeans and become so immensely stunned by how well the pants fit that it causes the person to suffer a stroke right there in the store. Gone are the days of having your face droop as your brain struggles to get enough oxygen because it can’t process just how jealous your ex will be when they see how those jeans hug your hips, and it’s the Swedish clothing giant that’s leading the way.
“Here at H&M, we understand that your ass will look so piping hot filling out our jeans and jean shorts that the shock of it all will most likely trigger a blood vessel to rupture inside your brain, thus leading to a massive intracranial hemorrhage and you passing out on the floor,” said H&M CEO Karl-Johan Persson in a shareholder’s call that took place earlier today. “Now people can rest easy knowing that if their life is at risk as they begin convulsing due to how overwhelmingly sexy they find themselves wearing our jeans, they can simply press the button and help will be on the way.”
And it’s good news for H&M’s employees, too. They no longer have to dread cleaning up at the end of the day only to discover someone’s lifeless corpse totally rocking a pair of ultra-cute skinny jeans. And as an added bonus, in the rare event that anyone presses the button and paramedics don’t arrive quickly enough before the stroke causes permanent damage, H&M will take 50 percent off the jeans’ price to make up for the delay, proving that the company is looking out for people both medically and financially.
While critics will argue that H&M should be doing more to help customers who die after having too much sex because they look so damn hot in their jeans, you’ve got to hand it to H&M for this amazing first step.
With Life Alert buttons already installed in every H&M location, customers can try on jeans knowing that they’re in good hands as they stare at their sexy bod in the mirror during the final seconds before their vision completely blurs. Rest assured that your safety is H&M’s No. 1 priority!
