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Market In Chaos: The Sudden Addition Of 3 Pristine Copies Of ‘Shallow Hal’ To This Thrift Store Has Tanked The Value Of The Store’s Other 2 Copies Of ‘Shallow Hal’ 

The latest financial news out of Indiana appears to be a catastrophic case of market volatility with devastating repercussions. A Bloomington thrift store’s sudden acquisition of three pristine copies of Shallow Hal on DVD has absolutely tanked the value of the store’s other two copies of Shallow Hal and sent the store’s once-stable Shallow Hal DVD market into a complete tailspin.

The market upheaval began around 9 a.m. this morning when three shrink-wrapped DVDs of the high-concept 2001 comedy Shallow Hal were dropped off in the donation bin at Family Value Thrift Store in Bloomington, causing massive price fluctuations to rock the store’s Shallow Hal DVD market. Following an initial valuation of the mint-condition Shallow Hals at $7.99, the market price of the store’s other two copies of the Jack Black-and-Gwyneth Paltrow-helmed romantic comedy plummeted to an abysmal $3.99.

Market analysts are attributing the instability of the thrift store’s Shallow Hal market to several key factors, chief among them being that the shrink-wrapped copies of Shallow Hal have clearly never been used, while the store’s other two copies of Shallow Hal both bear signs of wear and tear, including a child’s drawing of a horse on one of the back covers and an unremovable Blockbuster sticker on the other. And the financial forecast appears to indicate that there’s simply no way for these two copies of Shallow Hal that have been for sale at the thrift store for five years to compete with the newly stocked Shallow Hals.

This price fluctuation represents unprecedented chaos and uncertainty in a thrift store Shallow Hal DVD market that was viewed by analysts as incredibly stable for so many years. Economists say that it’s doubtful if the store’s Shallow Hal DVD prices will ever stabilize. All we can do is hope that the drastic repricing of these Shallow Hal DVDs does not tank global markets and plunge the world into a second Great Depression.