You probably haven’t heard of Daniel Moore, so let us get you up to speed: He’s basically the coolest dad ever. Daniel has a young son named Luke, and Daniel is teaching him that the Tooth Fairy is a horrifying and dangerous being who feeds on terror so that the 6-year-old won’t be sad when he finally finds out she’s not real!
“When I was little and found out that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real, I was devastated, because it felt like a loving, magical presence had been taken away from me,” says Daniel. “I’m not going to let Luke experience that kind of disappointment. I love my son, and so I’m going to make sure that he thinks the Tooth Fairy is a malevolent force of evil who he will be grateful to learn is just a myth.”
Daniel set his incredible plan in action last year when Luke lost his first baby tooth. Luke put the tooth under his pillow, and when he woke up the next morning, he discovered that the tooth was gone, and in its place was the skeleton of a rat. Daniel told his son that the skeleton had been placed there by the Tooth Fairy as punishment for losing his teeth, and that if he continued to allow his teeth to fall out, the Tooth Fairy would exact her terrible revenge.
Uh, if you know where we can get a dad like this one, please let us know!
Since then, Daniel has been gradually increasing the menace of the Tooth Fairy. When Luke lost his second tooth, his dad snuck into his room while he was sleeping and replaced the tooth with an elaborate Photoshop of the 6-year-old’s head on the body of a very old man.
“I told him that that’s what the Tooth Fairy looked like,” says Daniel. “I’m proud to say that I love my son enough to teach him that the Tooth Fairy is a being of pure malice whose face looks exactly like his own, but whose body is an ancient factory of terror that can never die. When he finds out that this story is entirely fictional, he’s going to be so happy.”
These days, Daniel doesn’t even wait until Luke loses a tooth. Every night, Luke wakes up to discover that the “Tooth Fairy” has placed a small handful of glass doll’s eyes under his pillow along with a handwritten note that says “I will replace you.” His son’s screams of terror are proof to Daniel that his plan is working. When Luke learns that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t actually exist, he’s going to be over the moon! His amazing dad is saving him from some major disappointment.
We’re pretty sure Daniel Moore is our nominee for Father of the Century. If only all dads loved their children enough to do this. It’s definitely a major parenting win!
