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Public Safety Win: Pennsylvania Will Open Schools For One Day In September So Everyone Can See Which Students Got Hot Over The Summer Before Returning To Online Learning

Portrait Of Smiling Male And Female College Student Friends In Corridor Of Building

With the start of the school year quickly approaching, many states are still struggling to find a smart and safe way to reopen schools amid the COVID-19 pandemic, but one state just unveiled a new reopening plan that seems like a pretty great solution: Pennsylvania has announced that public schools will open for one day in September so everyone can see which students got hot over the summer and then after that return to online learning.

Take note, other states, because THIS is the way to do it!

PA Governor Tom Wolf announced his proposal for the state’s schools in a press conference earlier today, citing the need for a plan that both limits potential respiratory transmission of the coronavirus as much as possible and allows students see for themselves which of their peers went through a major growth spurt during the summer months and look like a totally new, super-hot person.

“Although remote learning lets us safely continue classes despite the ongoing pandemic, a virtual classroom makes it virtually impossible to accurately identify which students have morphed from total loser to bangable hottie,” said Wolf, adding that while video technology lets you see people’s faces, you can’t take in the whole package. “You really need to see someone in person to take in how attractive they got since you saw them last, so by allowing students to go to school for just one day, we will be giving them the opportunity to check out whose skin cleared up, who developed a jawline, or who started filling out their bra.”

“The physical changes a student might experience from June to August can drastically affect their popularity and social ranking, so it’s essential that our students have the chance to get a good look at how the summer treated everybody before they return to Zoom classes,” he continued.

Wolf also announced that as an additional safety measure, students will be required to wear masks for the entire in-person school day with the exception of the lunch period, where they’ll be permitted to dramatically pull their masks off as they walk down the center of the cafeteria so that everyone can stare in awe at their transformation. 

This plan is being praised by epidemiologists who’ve cited how important it is to limit exposure between students while noting how the impressions made on the first day of school can majorly influence who’ll sit at the cool lunch tables and get invited to parties, as well as who you crush on for the entire year—if not longer.

Just awesome! Here’s hoping other states follow in Pennsylvania’s footsteps, because this sounds like an incredibly sensible plan for how schools should operate during the pandemic.