It makes perfect sense that a farmer would think they’d stumbled upon proof of alien life after waking up to see that their fields had been turned into crop circles. Fortunately for one man in Idaho, the FBI has determined that the crop circles found on his property last week were not in fact created by extraterrestrial life, but just the cast of Severance.
What a relief it must be to know that your crops weren’t destroyed by aliens, but instead just the cast of Apple+’s hit TV show having some fun!
As soon as 55-year-old Idaho farmer Rich Tyman discovered that his crops had been flattened in an eerie, circular pattern, he immediately alerted the authorities, fearing that his property had been visited by sinister beings from another planet. After conducting a thorough survey of the property and finding both a Lumon Industries key card and a finger trap in the dirt, the FBI reached a different conclusion: the circles were most likely the work of Severance stars Adam Scott, Britt Lower, Zach Cherry, and John Turturro.
In their search, the FBI also discovered wheel markings in the crops that appeared to be from some sort of office utility cart, suggesting that the rest of the cast must have worked in tandem with Tramell Tillman to flatten the crops with the character Milchik’s cart from the show. This theory is supported by the large number of crushed deviled eggs found in the fields—not to mention the fact that Rich reported waking in the night to hear the hum of music that could only be described as “defiant jazz.”
Wow. Seems like we know who did it, then!
The FBI has issued the following statement to the agriculture sector:
“Farmers—if you find that crop circles have been made on your property please check for the following items before jumping to the conclusion that you’ve been targeted by aliens: Lumon-branded coffee mugs, a mask of Kier Eagan, waffles, or a strange-looking old computer. The appearance of any of these items means that your crops were likely destroyed by the cast of Severance blowing off some steam while taking a break from shooting. This appears to be a bonding activity for the cast, as it seems likely that mowing down corn stalks under the cover of the night is what has given the show such a dynamic ensemble energy.”
Good to know! This is definitely something to be aware of if you have crops!
While the destroyed crops will result in a substantial net loss for Rich that may affect whether or not he’s able to keep his house, fortunately, the cast left behind a coupon code that will give him three free months of Apple+. What a bummer it is that Rich didn’t go outside while the cast was still on his property, as perhaps a handshake would’ve been available upon request!
