Over the years, everyone in the family has always looked to Mom for wisdom and advice, but that will probably no longer be the case, as a troubling turn of events has left us seriously questioning her mental aptitude: The entire family has irreversibly lost all respect for Mom’s intelligence after attempting to teach her to play a relatively simple board game.
Damn. Apparently Mom is dumb as hell.
Yesterday, what was meant to be a fun, low-key family game night turned into a damning indictment on Mom’s intellectual capabilities, as she struggled spectacularly to grasp the rules of a pretty simple board game called Ticket To Ride. Despite the game’s recommended age range starting at 8 years old, Mom just could not comprehend even the most basic aspects of the rules, repeatedly interrupting Dad while he read the rulebook to ask for clarification on very straightforward, self-explanatory things that even a decently trained chimpanzee could probably figure out.
While the entire premise of the game is to connect different color-coded rail routes between various cities, Mom simply could not make heads or tails of it, as she constantly derailed the gameplay to ask asinine questions like, “Wait, whose team am I on?” and “What do these cards mean?” and “Can I build any hotels?” The rest of the family, while initially amused, soon grew increasingly concerned as the woman who had guided them through life’s challenges and triumphs was now being repeatedly stymied by an activity meant for children, turning what should’ve been a 30-60 minute gaming experience into a three-hour pageant of idiocy. For every answer we gave to her shitbrained questions, she’d giddily exclaim “Oh, got it!” as if she fully understood the rules, only to moments later make yet another mistake. At one point, she even picked up one of the wooden scoring markers and rolled it like it was a die despite the game not having any dice.
It’s not like Mom’s old enough to be experiencing any age-related mental decline, so the fact that she struggled so mightily to figure out something so simple suggests that she’s apparently always been this dumb—it just took playing Ticket To Ride for us to realize it.
Dear God. Guess Mom is a much different woman than we thought.
It remains to be seen how this unsettling turn of events will impact the family’s dynamics moving forward. Will everyone rally around Mom, offering unwavering support and a renewed appreciation for her other qualities? Or will this irreparable loss of respect for her intelligence cast a long shadow over the household, forever tainting our perceptions of her? Only time will tell. But let’s just say that next time any of us needs advice or homework help, we’re probably going to go to Dad.
