With so much terrible, scary news bombarding us on a daily basis, the state of the world can seem pretty dire lately, but thankfully there’s a major bit of good news on the horizon that should fill everyone with hope and optimism: the official Doomsday Clock has just been set to Wine O’Clock!
This is amazing! Time for everyone to grab a corkscrew and start celebrating!
According to the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, the group of academics responsible for setting the Doomsday Clock that tracks the globe’s proximity to total disaster, the international tensions currently plaguing the world have placed mankind on the brink of popping the cork on a bottle of rosé, climbing into a hot bubble bath, and just letting the booze do its thing. At this point, the scientists say, it is inevitable that we as a society will soon find ourselves getting tipsy in front of the TV while watching trashy reality television with our best friends. They say that while we could have avoided Wine O’Clock if we had come together to head it off months ago, now there’s no turning back, and we should brace ourselves for a future where we all have our slippers on and are sipping a chilled glass sauvignon blanc on our porch while we watch the sun set.
Absolutely incredible! It’s wonderful to know that we as a society have consigned ourselves to a future of setting aside some serious Me time, dancing like nobody’s watching, and singing like nobody’s listening!
“Now more than ever, humanity is confronted with the crucial challenge of finding a comfortable spot by a roaring fire, taking a load off, and indulging in the complex pleasures offered by a large glass of vino,” the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists wrote in an official statement on their website explaining their unprecedented decision. “World leaders can no longer ignore the inescapable fact that it’s time for all of us to treat ourselves to a whole pint of ice cream and just totally de-stress. We as a species need to come to terms with the fact that sunsets are proof that endings can be beautiful. Wine O’Clock is upon us, and so we have no choice but to issue the following message to all of humankind: we hope you dance.”
Wow. This is definitely the best news we’ve heard about the Doomsday Clock in a long time! While humanity might one day find itself back on the brink of complete annihilation, it’s great to know that for now, it’s Wine O’Clock, and we can all get comfortable in front of the fire and let our worries dissolve into a soothing glass of our vintage of choice. We can’t wait to see what the Doomsday Clock has in store for us next!
