There comes a day in every superhero’s life where they realize they’ve been given incredible powers. One such boy in Columbus, OH has just learned of his fantastic capabilities, and now it is up to him to harness them for good: When this boy removes his glasses at bedtime, he can hear his parents argue about money.
Holy cow! As he sacrifices his sight… his hearing becomes supersonic!
A month ago, it seemed like any old night for eight-year-old Lionel Potakis. He put on the Cleveland Browns pajamas he’d gotten for Christmas, climbed into bed, and took off his glasses. But just as his sight waned, his auditory senses suddenly came into focus. Soon, he began to hear the strangest sounds: his mother saying, “Don’t you think we should be putting something away for retirement?” followed by the sound of his father’s fist hitting the table as he said, “And how the hell are we going to do that, Janet?” Confused, Lionel popped his glasses back on and headed toward his door to check out what was happening downstairs—but that’s when he realized that with the glasses on, the noises had stopped!
The same scene has played out every night since. At first, Lionel could hear only snippets of his parent’s arguments: “The shit you order on Amazon adds up!”; “Well, maybe don’t run the goddamn heat all day!”; “I don’t know, Matt—it was your idea to have four kids, so why don’t you fucking figure out how to pay for their doctor visits?” But as Lionel has learned to dig deep and really focus on listening without his glasses on, he’s heard even more. Just the other night, Lionel heard an uninterrupted 10-minute conversation about trying to save money by changing car insurance companies, followed by the slamming of a door and an admission from his mother that if Dad were more like his brother, none of this would even be a problem.
Wow! This boy truly has a gift!
Since discovering his powers, Lionel has tested their limits in several different scenarios. But whether he took his glasses off at school, in the car, or at the dinner table, it didn’t make a difference. The noises only come at night in his bed with his glasses off. Lionel even asked his older sister if she’d ever heard any “super sounds” at night, to which she responded, “Like what? Your own farts?” confirming that Lionel is the only one in his family with this gift—and maybe even the world.
But is his amazing hearing a gift, or a curse? At McDonald’s last week, Lionel realized that his favorite item, Chicken Selects, was more expensive than regular old McNuggets. Due to his special powers, he knew his Mom felt that “this family doesn’t have any extra spending money, and if we did, we wouldn’t spend it on a goddamn lawn mower.” Faced with this knowledge, Lionel ordered the McNuggets, and even when his Mom said “Really? But you always get the Selects,” Lionel insisted on the cheaper option as he finally understood that the reason he was given this super hearing ability in the first place was to single handedly save his family from financial ruin.
How brave of this boy! It’s true that with great power comes great responsibility, but it seems like Lionel is up for the challenge. Well done, Lionel!
