In recent years, the skincare market has been growing at breakneck speeds as Americans have become increasingly concerned with self-care, wellness routines, and leading healthier lifestyles. While some brands have struggled to keep up with demand for specialized products that meet specific needs, one beauty company appears more than ready to usher consumers into a new generation of skincare: Aveeno has released a line of moisturizers specifically for the seven different types of skin that your genitals consist of.
Awesome! It’s about time someone developed specific treatments for the bewildering hodge-podge of skin types that are found in the groin area.
Earlier this week, Aveeno unveiled its new Down There line of products, with seven unique lotions designed to replenish and restore the fleshy pandemonium that is the human crotch, providing targeted treatment for the chaotic clusterfuck of skin textures that exist in and around the groin. Though a person’s skin is technically considered one single organ, Aveeno is betting big on consumers realizing that the lotion one uses for, say, the normal-looking skin on their torsos is not sufficient for addressing the myriad needs of the bafflingly piecemeal flesh that makes up one’s genitals, whether it’s the smooth, reddish skin of the penis tip, the wacky dermal topography of the vagina, or the shriveled, leathery quagmire that is the scrotum. The new moisturizer varieties are each marketed according to the type of skin they’re meant to treat, with names such as Veins & Wrinkles, Has Very Fine Hairs On It, Inexplicably Paler Than The Rest Of Your Skin, Long-Lasting Labia Defense, Chafe Zone, Sensitive Shaft, and Bumpy & Stretchy.
“After years of researching genital skin and all its anomalies—like, how flesh that’s only a few centimeters apart can be entirely different colors, or go from being totally smooth to being riddled with tiny bumps, or how some parts of the skin looks like it belongs on a 95-year-old while other parts look like it could be on a baby—Aveeno has developed the first-ever moisturizing regimen designed specifically for the utter pandemonium of one’s nether regions,” said the company in a statement. “Until now, consumers have had no choice but to use standard body moisturizers to renourish the cushiony flesh directly above the penis or vagina, or the very edge of their thighs right next to the pubes that still grow pubes for some reason, but not anymore. The Aveeno Down There line has a moisturizer for every type of groin skin, whether the translucent-when-stretched skin of the scrotum, the rubbery little ring of flesh that separates the shaft from the penis, or any other kind of skin you might encounter below the waist.”
“Simply put, if you point to anywhere on or around the genitals—whether it’s bits of skin that look like they fell off and got chewed up by a dog before getting poorly glued back on, testicle skin that got a little nicked up because you’re still shaving with the same $20 electric trimmer you bought in high school, or literally anything in the vicinity of the vagina lips—Aveeno has you covered,” the statement continued.
These new lotions are sure to be a total game-changer for anyone who’s either been putting standard body lotion on their junk every now and then when it feels kind of dry or has basically just been ignoring their groin skincare-wise this whole time, and it’s only a matter of time before other skincare brands start releasing genital skin moisturizers of their own. Well done, Aveeno!