If you happened to be in Ms. Tobier’s fourth period health class today, consider yourself lucky, because you had a front-row seat to what will surely go down as one of the most jaw-dropping moments in Okaw Valley Central High School history: Fargas the foreign-exchange student just casually revealed to the class that he’s been having sex since he was like 12.
Yikes. He just came out and said it so nonchalantly. Not even bragging. Like, he said it as if full-on sex is perfectly normal for kids where he’s from.
Ms. Tobier was going through a lesson about the childbirth process, and as the topic of infant circumcision came up, Andy Quijano and Ezra Klemow began snickering and cracking jokes about how weird foreskin is. Then, in a fucking wild card move, Fargas was compelled to declare that he’d had sex with many girls and none of them minded that he was uncircumcised—an insanely out-of-left-field factoid to volunteer, and one that instantly caused the class to burst out in laughter, as he not only openly described his uncut penis but also his highly precocious usage of it.
With the class riled beyond Ms. Tobier’s control, Dylan Parde immediately started grilling Fargas as to the nature of his illicit encounters, clearly astounded to learn that the shy, oddly dressed, thoroughly unassimilated Eastern European teen—by no means a ladies man, at least here in America—might actually be the most sexually experienced kid in the entire school. And casually as all hell, with zero hesitation whatsoever, Fargas then revealed that he’d “had numerous lovers” in his home country right up until he came to America back in seventh grade. Stunned, Shavonne Young then yelled from across the room, “Wait, you were getting laid when you were 12?!?” which Fargas replied to with a nonchalant shrug and a nod, not understanding why all his classmates seemed so scandalized.
Not even the fucking health teacher knew what to say after that. Ms. Tobier attempted to ignore Fargas and redirect the focus back to her lesson, but it was too late: The more everyone registered what Fargas had said, the more it shook their image of Fargas and wherever he came from. Like, yes, one could’ve probably gathered that he came from a more liberated culture, seeing how he gets fully naked when changing in the locker room after gym and doesn’t seem to feel any shame despite sporting a truly insane bush, but no one could’ve imagined that this kid who wears the same Marco Belinelli jersey and weird capri-type pants and BMW-branded backpack every day was actually low-key a sex machine. And things only got more astonishing, as Fargas, when asked by Dave McNally about who he lost his virginity to, coolly described a rendezvous with a “woman” living in his apartment building back home who “many of the boys in my town would go to.” He starting going into even juicier details, but Ms. Tobier quickly shushed him and attempted to resume the lesson—not that anyone could possibly pay attention after learning that the quiet kid previously known only for busting his head open in P.E. was straight-up fucking while most of his peers were still busy with pre-algebra.
Fargas, my man…what the FUCK.
It should be noted, too, that Fargas seems to be VERY religious—either a Muslim or a Catholic from one of those sects where the priests dress like wizards, no one can quite tell. So everyone just sort of assumed that he was just a straight-laced, goody-goody sort of dude who’s really into computers and soccer. But turns out he’s been a bona fide freak all along. Goddamn. Guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover!
