Warm weather is upon us, and while the coming few months should be a fun and exciting time for most people, it seems that others won’t be so lucky: It’s lookin’ like it’s gonna be a bad summer for Mike.
Ooh boy. We’re in for some high temps and a strong likelihood of Mike absolutely eating shit from June through August.
As the days get longer and the weather more humid, you might want to pack your bags for a fun weekend getaway to the beach, unless you’re Mike, who is predicted to suffer an absolutely brutal and debilitating sunburn while mowing the lawn on the first warm weekend of the year and spend the subsequent months nursing his red, peeling skin while watching Pawn Stars in total darkness. Between the approaching ant infestation that will most likely hit Mike’s kitchen within days of the sunburn and a strong chance of Mike contracting Covid at the gym by late June, the intensity of the general suckiness heading Mike’s way cannot be overstated.
There’s no knowing for sure, but all signs suggest that ‘ol Mike is really in for it.
Experts foresee that Mike’s refusal to get up from his recliner will collide with his wife’s frustration at his disinterest in spending time with her sisters mid-July, resulting in a class 5 marital conflict that has the potential to make this the most dogshit summer of Mike’s entire life. In fact, some suggest that Mike’s home will see a veritable domestic El Nino throughout July and August, forcing Mike to sleep on the couch for nights on end and setting off a chain of disastrous Mike events involving back pain, heartburn, and an unprecedented Mike Depression of epic proportions.
Wow. This year’s Mike forecast is not looking good at all. Mike is going to want to batten down the hatches and prepare to withstand a rough summer, because if the data is to be believed, it’s going to be a pretty bad one.
