Can You Respectfully And Delicately Inform Oprah That Stedman Was Swallowed Whole By A Python?
Stedman Graham is famous for being Oprah’s sexual plaything, but now something terrible has happened to his entire body: it got swallowed by a python. Yes, it cannot be denied, Stedman was just swallowed whole by a massive python and someone needs to tell his sweet Oprah (the girlfriend). Whoever tells the sweet Oprah about Stedman getting swallowed by a python is going to have to do it in a way that doesn’t make the sweet Oprah even more upset. Can you respectfully and delicately inform Oprah that Stedman was swallowed whole by a python? Take this quiz to find out!
How would you begin this difficult conversation with the sweet Oprah?
1. I would go to the sweet Oprah’s mansion in person with flowers and a sheet cake that says, “When A Python Eats One Stedman, It Lays An Egg With A Different Stedman Inside”
2. I would send her a text that says, “Guess which kind of snake ate Stedman.”
3. I would send her an email with the subject line “He Got Eaten By One,” and the email would have no body text
4. I would climb through the window of the sweet Oprah’s mansion wearing a t-shirt that said, “Replacement Stedman” while singing “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang
How would you refer to Stedman when talking to Oprah?
1. Beautiful, dead Stedman, your sexual plaything.
2. Stedman, The Python’s Dinner
3. Stedman, AKA The One And Only Dr. Phil
4. The Replaceable Stedman
One of the most painful parts about Stedman getting swallowed whole by a python is the embarrassing way that it happened: Stedman was trying to put the python in the trunk of his car because he thought he could sell his car for more money on eBay if there was a snake in it. Unfortunately, Stedman got confused and after he had stuffed the python into the trunk of his car, he also climbed into the trunk with the snake. It was then that the snake decided to swallow Stedman. Would you tell the sweet Oprah about the embarrassing way that Stedman got swallowed?
1. I would lie to the sweet Oprah and tell her that Stedman was in the Amazon rainforest searching for a gigantic mushroom to give to Oprah for her birthday and he was swallowed while trying to bravely fight the python for possession of the big mushroom.
2. I would tell the sweet Oprah the truth about how Stedman was swallowed because he decided that he belonged in the trunk of a car with the snake.
3. I would lie to the sweet Oprah and tell her an even more embarrassing story about how Stedman was eating a meatball sub at the zoo and he accidentally dropped one of his meatballs in the gorilla enclosure, and when he crawled into the gorilla enclosure to retrieve his meatball, a silverback gorilla picked him up and hurled him into the reptile house, where he was eaten by a python.
4. I would tell the sweet Oprah that it didn’t matter how Stedman got swallowed. All that matters is that I will never be swallowed by a python, and I’m here for her to replace him.
When Stedman was getting swallowed, his last words were, “My real name is Steam Shovel.” This is obviously too painful to tell to the sweet Oprah, so what lie would you tell her about Stedman’s last words to make her feel better?
1. “I love the sweet Oprah, and I also love crossword puzzles and Mexican food.”
2. “I once saw Dr. Phil eat a wig off the floor of the prop room when he thought nobody was watching.”
3. “I love meatball more than the sweet Oprah.”
4. “I’m very replaceable! I hope Oprah marries the person who tells her about my death!”
Once the sweet Oprah learns the news about the swallowing of Stedman, she will be overcome with grief. How will you comfort Oprah in her time of mourning?
1. I would cheer up the sweet Oprah by telling her that Stedman is in Heaven right now walking around in nothing but his socks, which have pictures of the sweet Oprah’s face on them.
2. I would cheer up the sweet Oprah by telling her that Stedman was probably reincarnated as a Volkswagen.
3. I would cheer up the sweet Oprah by telling her that after the python was done eating Stedman, it spat out Stedman’s skeleton and Stedman’s skeleton was wearing a bra.
4. I would cheer up the sweet Oprah by telling her that I have changed my name to “Also Stedman” and that I can be everything Stedman was and more.
