Oh God. Here’s hoping Dad isn’t pissed off when he comes home from work tonight, because the news we have for him would only make a bad mood even worse: Mom just passed away.
Yikes…Dad is definitely not going to like this.
Even though she knew that this is exactly the kind of thing that would ruin Dad’s night, Mom went ahead and had what we can only guess was some type of stroke or heart attack 30 minutes ago, and now she’s just lying there, dead on the kitchen floor. While Dad isn’t always the easiest to please, he for sure liked Mom or else he probably wouldn’t have stayed with her this long, so the fact that she’s now fully dead is gonna be like when the Phillies lose times 5,000. The old man’s gonna throw an absolute fit!
To make matters even worse, it seems like Mom was holding a glass measuring cup at the time her heart stopped, so not only is she just dead on the floor, but there’s also little bits of glass everywhere, which we are never gonna hear the end of. It’s been like 15 years since the time we accidentally shattered a light bulb, and Dad still acts like he gets little pieces of glass stuck on his foot from that. (Not to mention, this means Mom obviously didn’t finish dinner before she died, so there’s that, too.)
Goddammit. Might as well get the spackle out now, ‘cause Dad will probably punch a hole in the wall when he learns about this.
And if the situation wasn’t already bad enough, there’s also a football game on tonight, so now instead of getting to drink a couple Michelob ULTRAs while unwinding in the basement, Dad’s gonna have to spend the night calling Mom’s side of the family—including his mother-in-law, the last person he ever wants to call—and informing them that Mom passed. When he realizes all the shit that’s now on his plate, he’s seriously gonna go through the roof.
Ugh, we are in for a terrible night here.
Welp, Nose Goes on who’s gonna have to tell him, ‘cause you know whoever breaks the news to Dad is gonna get an earful. Maybe we can just leave a note that says what happened and go hide out at a friend’s house ‘til he calms down? Honestly, that might be the move.
Oh, and rest in peace, Mom!
