Get ready for a major bombshell that’s going to change our family forever: Mom just filed for divorce after reading online about a man with a bigger penis than Dad’s.
Wow, this is just devastating. You’ve really gotta feel for Dad here.
Mom announced the news at dinner last night when she clinked a spoon against her glass to get everyone’s attention and said, “I have a little announcement to make: I was scrolling on the iPad last night and I read about a man with a big dong. Bigger than your father’s. I’ve decided to divorce your father and go live with the man with the big penis from the internet.” She then went back to eating her lasagna as dad put his head in his hands and started weeping.
Absolutely heartbreaking. I guess you can’t blame Mom for going after what she wants, but it’s definitely going to take some time to adjust to this new situation.
According to Mom, she read about the man when she did a Google search for “big and wonderful man” while trying to remember the name of the actor John Goodman. While this Google search did not provide her with the name she was looking for, on the 26th page of the search results she discovered an article titled “Meet The Wonderful Big Penis of a Man,” which was a 10,000-word profile about a man whose penis was over a quarter-inch longer than Dad’s. Mom says that she immediately fell in love and woke Dad up to say, “I’m leaving you for the big-dicked Casanova I read about online.” She then slowly pushed Dad off the bed and onto the floor with her foot and went to sleep.
Dang. This is really going to make things stressful around the house for the next few months.
Last we checked, Mom was packing her bags while Dad was frantically Googling things like “will rubbing sunscreen on penis make it grow” and “how to make wife stay through penis transformation.” Sadly, he hasn’t been able to find any answers, and Mom is basically ready to walk out the door and start her amazing new life with the man with a bigger penis than Dad’s. Good luck to Mom on her awesome next chapter, and here’s hoping Dad finds the strength to move on soon!
