President Donald Trump’s controversial speech at the U.N. yesterday in which he threatened to “completely destroy” North Korea was so volatile and audacious that it has dominated news outlets all around the world, even overshadowing the Australian prime minister’s shocking speech in which he informed the U.N. General Assembly that he saw a koala eat a 9-year-old boy behind the Sydney Opera House.
Wow. You know you’ve given a truly controversial speech when it manages to divert the world’s attention away from a world leader’s account of a small marsupial swallowing a human child.
By delivering such an audacious and reckless address to the U.N., Donald Trump successfully shifted all the attention away from Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, who gave an entire speech about how he was just taking a stroll around the city when he saw a koala sprint directly at a 9-year-old boy standing behind the Sydney Opera House and eat him whole. Turnbull’s vivid description of how the koala put a bib around its neck before devouring a screaming boy was forgotten by virtually everyone after Trump vowed to “totally destroy” North Korea if he was forced to do so.
“I am honored to be speaking here at the United Nations. Yesterday I saw a koala swallow a whole boy behind the historical Sydney Opera House. I screamed and screamed, and my screams made the koala eat the boy faster,” the Australian prime minister said, beginning his shocking speech that was outmatched only by the vitriolic “America first” rhetoric of Donald Trump’s speech earlier that day. “I saw the koala shove the boy’s entire body into its mouth, then with one big gulp managed to swallow him down whole. The boy screamed while the koala ate him, and then when the koala had swallowed him, the koala opened its mouth and the boy’s screams came out of the koala’s mouth.”
It’s hard to believe that Trump managed to deliver a speech so inflammatory that it completely stole the spotlight from the Australian prime minister, who mentioned how after the koala was done eating the adolescent boy, it burped and some of the kid’s bones popped out of its mouth.
Any other year, there’s no doubt that every media organization and world leader would still be talking about how the Australian prime minister saw a koala inhale a 9-year-old boy and move on with its day like it was nothing. But now, Turnbull’s speech about the koala that he saw eat a child may be forever lost to history. No matter how you feel about the crudeness of Trump’s words yesterday, you’ve got to admit they were impossible to ignore!
