When it comes to love and relationships, it’s not always clear why people do the things they do, but thanks do an enlightening new study, we now have an answer to one of the biggest mysteries of dating: After a 20-year study into why men are crazy for bitches, Harvard researchers have determined that it’s because bitches are crazy as fuck.
Wow. So THAT’S why men go ga-ga for bitches!
For the past two decades, Harvard sociologists have been carefully tracking a cohort of 89 men between the ages of 18 and 22 in order to better understand why many of these men would drool over the some of the most hot-tempered, completely insane females imaginable, preferring types of bitches who would slash your tires for forgetting to call them back over bitches of a more buttoned-up, demure variety. Twenty years later, the researchers have now concluded that men love said crazy bitches because they are straight-up nuts, rather than despite their being observably loco in the coco.
Early on, the sociologists predicted that perhaps some of these young men were drawn to bitches who displayed high-strung temperaments that mirrored their own youthful ardor, or that they were briefly tempted by the prospect of dating a freaky red-haired kleptomaniac who was crazy in the sack but would later reconsider and move on to the kind of girl you could bring home to Mom and Dad. However, the researchers were surprised to find that the opposite was true, with the subjects of the study maintaining durable, longstanding inclinations towards wild women who are nothing but trouble, consistently expressing over 20 years that they would be “very likely” to pursue a dinner date with any given “crazy-ass ho,” “very unlikely” to be put off when said ho started “screaming and throwing her napkin on the ground and threatening to kill his exes with her steak knife,” and finally, “very likely” to feel “surprisingly excited by the fact that their new girl had come to bang on their apartment door in the middle of the night and beg for forgiveness, then ask to fuck in the backseat of her Corolla before driving to her paralegal job at a law firm she steals from.” It eventually became crystal clear that the men’s persistent pull towards the craziness of bitches was not incidental, but rather a necessary and even sole condition of their attraction.
Researchers further confirmed this hypothesis by measuring the brain activity of their subjects when presented with alternating images of regular, kind ladies, like Anna Kendrick and Glinda the Good Witch, and of certified crazy bitches, like Naomi Watts’ character in Mulholland Drive and Rachel Dolezal. Activity in the brain regions responsible for both love and attraction spiked dramatically when shown an image of a woman rated “highly fucked in the head” on the Harvard researchers’ “Totally Nuts Slut” scale, strongly indicating that men don’t just like crazy bitches, but they absolutely fucking love them.
Wow! What a fascinating glimpse into the science of attraction!
If you’re a woman looking for a mate, you might want to consider being a raging, belligerent bitch, and if you’re a man looking for one, you might want to get ready to get scratched in the face by some very long nails, because that, it turns out, is exactly what your heart wants.
