We’ve got good news for all the insatiable thrill-seekers out there, because an iconic kitchenware company is expanding their product line in a truly bold new direction: Le Creuset just unveiled a line of incredibly microwave-unsafe dinner china for bad boys and daredevils.
It’s about time someone made dinner china that can really get the adrenaline pumping!
For years, Le Creuset has produced top-of-the-line cookware and dinnerware that, while sturdy and colorful, has never adequately served the needs of those who only feel alive on the razor’s edge between life and death. But thankfully, the French-Belgian manufacturer has at long last addressed this glaring hole in their product lineup with the new Death-Or-Glory Collection, a line of dinner china so profoundly microwave-unsafe that every boring meal of leftovers becomes an exhilarating game of chance played against the Grim Reaper himself. Win, and you get tasty reheated lasagna. Lose, and an obliterating hail of ceramic shards pierces every vital organ in your body. Those stakes will certainly be a little too high for everyday consumers, but for bad boys and daredevils, this china offers the perfect chance to stare eternity dead in the eye while preparing dinner.
Each piece in the Death-Or-Glory collection is painstakingly handcrafted to ensure maximum fragmentation upon failure, with special care taken to ensure that the bulk of the blast’s force is directed outward where it creates the greatest threat to the user. Producing the china by hand also ensures that no two pieces are exactly alike, which means that daredevils won’t have even the slightest frame of reference to gauge whether that next press of the Add 30 Seconds button could finally be the one that blows their kitchen to kingdom come. And the collection’s generous piece count means that bad boys can host up to five of their closest bad boy friends for a death-defying potluck, where every trip to the microwave risks not only killing themselves, but also making them guilty of criminally negligent homicide.
We’re breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about it—bravo, Le Creuset!
“Our market research told us that bad boys and daredevils weren’t responding to our current microwave-safe offerings, so we set out to design a set of statement dinner china that says, “If putting this dish in the microwave ends up reducing my torso to pulpy red guck, so be it. Fear holds no power over me,’” said a spokesperson for Le Creuset, adding that merely purchasing a set of Death-Or-Glory dinner china lowers one’s life expectancy so dramatically it makes Russian Roulette look like pin the tail on the donkey. “Whether you’re a daredevil looking to take your stunts to the next level, or simply a bad boy for whom the thrill of driving 100 miles per hour in the rain has gone stale, Le Creuset has the kitchenware you need. The only question is: are you a bad enough motherfucker to microwave it?”
Wow, Le Creuset really knocked this one out of the park. Kudos to them for remembering that hardcore adrenaline junkies need dinner china too!
