A groundbreaking work of journalism was just published that’s quickly taken the internet by storm. A joint investigation by The New York Times and stand-up comedian Kevin Hart has found that women take too long to put on makeup.
This is courageous, world-class reporting from Kevin Hart and the paper of record.
According to Hart’s investigation, which pulled from interviews with hundreds of sources, women will often tell their husbands that they only need five minutes to put on makeup, but they must be looking at some sort of special clock just for women because when they say “five minutes,” they really mean “anywhere between one hour and never.”
“Over the past seven years I have spoken to hundreds of husbands who are hungry and waiting for their wives to get their makeup on, because it’s dinnertime and they were supposed to leave a long time ago,” wrote Hart in the story, which appeared on the front page of the Times today. “The harsh reality is that women take so long to get ready for dinner you have to wonder if they brought snacks up there or something. It’s like when you say, ‘Let’s go eat dinner at 7,’ she just hears, ‘Start doing your hair up around 7:15 and then take as long as you want.’ And somehow we still get to the restaurant the same time as our friends! Are the women coordinating?”
One of the most shocking pieces of data Hart’s article revealed is that the five words that a man absolutely never wants to hear from his girlfriend are, “Let me do my makeup,” because when men hear those five words, the night’s over. They’re done. Their house just became a prison where time has no meaning. Hart writes that based on his data, if you’re a man who hears those five words, you should just call up your friends and tell them you’ll see them tomorrow.
Absolutely amazing. In an era when most news outlets seem focused on getting clicks with puff-piece journalism, you’ve got to give it up to Kevin Hart and The New York Times for putting in the work to alert the world to the harsh truth that when your girlfriend or wife says she’s going to put on her makeup, she might as well have told you she was about to do a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Now more than ever, this is the kind of hard-hitting journalism we need!
