It’s never easy to see a person reach the age where their whole sense of self can be turned around by an embarrassingly simple purchase, and this heartbreaking story is no exception: This woman has hit the stage in life where buying a humidifier will provide legitimate meaning and purpose.
God. This is just so sad.
Thirty-eight-year-old Kristen Ledenbach of Philadelphia, PA hit a new low earlier this week when she woke up with a dry nose and decided that it was finally time she bought a humidifier—something that wouldn’t be so upsetting if the mere act of making this purchase weren’t giving her a greater sense of fulfillment and well-being than she’s felt in years. Since that fateful morning, Kristen’s been waking up early to research humidifiers by comparing their reviews across multiple websites and keeping track of what she learns in a spreadsheet, approaching the task with meticulous care as though her life depends upon it, which sadly, it kind of does.
It’s clear to anyone who knows Kristen that she’s been in a shockingly good mood all week, but rather than feel happy for her, these friends and acquaintances must reckon with the fact that the only reason she seems so upbeat is that she’s decided to buy a hunk of plastic that squirts out some mist. It used to at least take something genuinely exciting, such as a fun vacation, a new relationship, or a promotion, to make Kristen feel this fulfilled, but now that she’s in her late 30s, it seems like a new $89 humidifier is enough.
How upsetting. She even busted out a measuring tape to calculate the square footage of her bedroom to make sure she was buying the right size.
This is such a bummer. But hey, if you haven’t hit this stage yet, it’s coming for you. Eventually, we all reach a point where giving our nasal passages marginal relief from dryness and congestion is enough to seriously put the pep back in our step. Let us know in the comments if you’ve gotten to this part of your life already, or if you’re still waiting for it to arrive!
