Your parents’ relationship is falling apart, and you’d do anything to keep them together. How many of these harebrained schemes to save their failing marriage have you dreamt up?
How Many Of These Harebrained Schemes To Save Your Parents’ Failing Marriage Have You Tried?
Check off all of the harebrained schemes to save your parents' failing marriage that you're tried:
1. Buying them a 30-year-old dogeared copy of the Kama Sutra at a used bookstore for $7.
2. Slipping $20 into their marriage counselor’s shirt pocket, patting it, and whispering, “Make them kiss” in a threatening tone.
3. Forcing them to play a game of Boggle at gunpoint.
4. Replacing their toilet with one that only works if they both use it at the same time.
5. Reminding them of how bummed God will be if they break the sacred vow they took in front of Him.
6. Hiring a hypnotist to hypnotize your dad into thinking your mom has big mommy milkers.
7. Making them believe they ran over a child so they bond over their dark secret.
8. Giving them both Brazilian waxes while they sleep.
9. Taking out a commercial during "Wheel of Fortune" touting the benefits of a loveless, lackluster marriage.
10. Producing a short film called “What the World Would Be Like if My Parents Got Divorced” that’s just 12 hours of concentration camp footage.
11. Keeping them so drunk that they both don’t realize who the other one is.
12. Constantly pointing out to your mom what a good cock your dad has got on him.
13. Stocking their pantry with three years worth of rations and welding their doors shut.
14. Putting a dried-out dolphin in their bathtub to force them to set aside their differences to work together to keep it alive.
15. Clapping for them whenever they’re getting along and booing them whenever they’re not.
16. Traveling back in time to try to make your dad smell better.
17. Buying them a beautiful double casket with their names engraved on it.
18. Reminding them how much dating sucks when you’re old and ugly.
