How Many Of These Passive-Aggressive Comments Has Your Dad Made About Spider-Man Out Of Jealousy?
Generally speaking, dads are deeply insecure individuals who desperately want to appear more impressive than they really are. But when they encounter someone who’s actually impressive, such as Spider-Man, it makes them feel inferior, and they resort to making bitchy comments about them to soothe their fragile egos. How inferior does Spider-Man make YOUR dad feel? Take this quiz to find out!
Which of these passive-aggressive comments about Spider-Man has your dad made out of jealousy?
1. “Having white crap come out of your hands isn’t a superpower, it’s a disease.”
2. ”Suit makes him look bald.”
3. “I’d flip around like a jackass all day too if I didn’t have to worry about paying the mortgage.”
4. “I kiss your mother upside down all the time, but you don’t see me making a big deal out of it.”
5. “If he’s so great then why doesn’t he have parents?”
6. “Heard Spider-Man only wears a mask to hide his lazy eye. Must not be as brave as people think.”
7. “Does he even own a car?”
8. “Queens is a dump. Our neighborhood is much nicer. Big lawns.”
9. “I was on the roof all weekend fixing the gutters, but I didn’t ask anyone to make a movie about it.”
10. “The real superheroes are the maintenance workers who power-wash all that disgusting web off the side of buildings.”
11. “Which one is Spider-Man again? He’s the McDonald’s mascot, right?”
12. “Hey, if he wants to work for the lying mainstream media, he can be my guest. I’m just sayIng I would never do it.”
13. “So what, I've been bitten by spiders plenty of times.”
14. “Remind me, was it Spider-Man who took the whole family on an all-inclusive vacation to Atlantis last year or was that me?”
15. “I know a guy at work who got saved by Spider-Man once. Said he was way scrawnier in person. Like, four feet tall, 90 pounds max.”
16. “I bet he didn’t even go to college.”
17. “Try spraying that web in a real fight and you’re gonna get your clock cleaned.”
18. “He’s pretty cool if you’re into fairy tales.”
19. “Who?”
