Brace yourselves, John Oliver fans, because your king of late night is back and BETTER than ever. Everyone’s favorite straight-shooting Brit absolutely WON the internet last night when he once again stood up for victims everywhere by stopping his heart on live TV and confronting Alfred Hitchcock in hell about his sexual assault allegations!
BOOM, BABY. Now THAT’S how you hold these Hollywood SCUMBAGS accountable.
At around 8:30 last night, the Duke of Truth John Oliver sat down behind his Last Week Tonight desk to shoot a special segment for this week’s episode about holding Hollywood abusers accountable. With cameras rolling, a doctor whose medical license was recently suspended administered enough sedatives to put Oliver in a coma so the talk-show host could journey into the afterlife and absolutely DESTROY Alfred Hitchcock for his long, sordid history of sexually assaulting actresses on the films he directed.
As fans in the studio watched his mouth foam and his body shake for more than 5 minutes straight, Oliver was apparently ROASTING THE SHIT out of the legendary director in the depths of hell, and poked so many holes in his defense of his behavior that it left Hitchcock SPEECHLESS. After introducing himself to the confused, damned soul of Mr. Hitchcock, King John Oliver reportedly straight-up DESTROYED him with firsthand accounts from The Birds star Tippi Hedren that left the 118-year-old SKEEZEBAG sputtering.
“Mr. Hitchcock, I will say this to you right now—no, I wasn’t there on the set of The Birds, and no, I hadn’t even been conceived when you were filming; but I can tell from your body language that you DO NOT believe a WORD you are saying,” John Oliver said to Hitchcock during his evisceration of the horror legend on one of hell’s smoldering sulphur deserts, according to Oliver’s own recollection after being revived. “Maybe to you that type of behavior felt normal over a century ago, but to Tippi, it felt predatory. Because it was. That’s right: It was.”
And to think, this all happened before he gasped awake, ripped the IV from his arm, and launched into a killer monologue on the importance of believing women to raucous studio audience applause?? YAAAAAS! SLAY, John. SLAY!!
So, for anyone who watched the killer episode on HBO, take note—THIS is how you take down a “rumored” sexual predator who has never been brought to justice. You don’t let them control the narrative, and you don’t let them lie. You kill yourself, journey to hell, and make them pay in front of EVERYONE, just like John Oliver did!
