It’s never an easy conversation, but there are ways to make it as simple and painless as possible. Here’s how to respectfully inform someone that you have chosen to decline their Venmo request for the meal they put on their credit card.
- Clarify that the only reason you will not pay them back is because you don’t want to
Honesty is the best policy. You’re only going to make them feel worse by creating excuses, like lying about how you don’t have the money right now but plan to pay them back as soon as you do. Be straightforward, and say you’ve made a personal decision to never repay them, and that you hope they can respect that. If they don’t? That’s okay, but it’s on them to work through, not you. The only thing you owe them is the truth, even if it hurts.
- Instead of a text, explain your decision to decline their Venmo request in a handwritten letter
Texts can read as cold and impersonal. The thoughtful, personalized touch that comes with a handwritten letter can go a long way in softening the blow to the person whose Venmo you’re declining. Take the time to write and mail a letter about how you honestly don’t even know them that well, and that there’s not much they can do about getting back the $72 in food and alcohol you ordered on their dime—the extra effort you put in will show them that you care.
- Remind them that money can’t buy happiness
If there’s a situation that fits the old adage “money can’t buy happiness,” it’s this one. While your acquaintance might think that having you honor their Venmo request will make them feel better, you can suggest that it’s not a good idea for them to tie their happiness to their bank account. Point out that the amount of money they’ve lost to you isn’t worth going to small claims court over, so no matter what lengths they threaten to pursue, getting full restitution is ultimately out of their hands. They can either let bitterness eat away at their heart, or let go of your debt to them and move on with their life.
- Express how much you enjoyed sharing a meal with them and not paying for it
Odds are, they had a great time too, so they may be surprised when you instantly decline their Venmo request just seconds after they send it. Don’t leave room for them to worry that they did anything wrong. Show gratitude for the dining experience they put on their tab and let them know in no uncertain terms how much fun you had!
- Don’t close the door if you’re open to getting dinner on their card in the future
Hey, who knows? Down the road, there may be a point in your life where it makes sense for you to get dinner on this person’s card again. That’s why it’s best to avoid burning bridges, and instead, let them know that while the Venmo transaction between you didn’t work out this time, you definitely aren’t ruling out the possibility of going out for dinner with them in the future. Things can always change!
