If your dog won’t stop barking all of a sudden, don’t bother taking them to the vet, because there’s a pretty high chance that they’re just mad about the following story: Apparently Dog Magazine (more or less The Paris Review for dogs) awarded Bobbins the Bernedoodle (a pretty unremarkable dog) the 2024 Padfooted Prize (basically like the dog version of an Oscar/Nobel Prize), and millions of dogs are furious.
Wow. Seems like if we were dogs, we’d be pretty pissed off too!
Across the country, dogs are refusing to eat and go on walks (like how men punch holes in the wall when the Eagles lose) because the 2024 Padfooted Prize went to Bobbins, a five-year-old dog whose only remarkable skill is sticking his tongue out to the side to play dead (dog world equivalent of making kind of grating character videos on Instagram reels). As we understand it, the choice to crown Bobbins, who hails from Westchester, NY (Westchester, NY), was a frustratingly obvious move completely in line with what many dogs consider to be the unearned popularity of Bernedoodles (if Taylor Swift were a dog breed).
Dogs upset by Bobbins’ victory may just need a little bit of time to process the situation, especially those who were rooting hard for critical darling Alfalfa—a mixed breed with one eye who comes from the Southwind Kennel Association (closest thing dogs have to both the Iowa Writers Program/spending two seasons as a Featured Player on SNL). It’s recommended that dog owners give their angry pup extra treats (like handing a crying woman $500 cash) or additional belly rubs (like playing with a crying woman’s hair) until they calm back down.
Here’s hoping Dog Magazine learned its lesson and doesn’t make another move like this in the future, but if we know anything about Dog Magazine’s editorial staff (dog Supreme Court), they’ll continue doing whatever the hell they want!
