America’s nepotism epidemic has officially grown out of control, and this is one of the most blatant examples yet: The U.S. Mint just announced a new series of quarters honoring Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen’s favorite grandsons.
This is completely shameless. It’s beyond unfair that these guys should start appearing on money just because of who their grandma is.
The Mint made their announcement earlier today when they unveiled their new line of quarters honoring “the most well-behaved and handsome boys in America.” While millions of well-behaved and handsome Americans might have thought that this was their chance to be featured on official currency, those hopes were quickly dashed when the Mint informed the nation that they had already selected which boys would be honored, and they all happened to be Janet Yellen’s most cherished grandsons, including Brian.
Not to be cynical, but it’s really hard to believe in the American Dream when some people can their faces put on money through nothing more than some well-placed family connections!
Secretary Yellen herself delivered a presentation on the Senate floor detailing the designs of the new quarters. By the end of 2024, there will be two new quarters—one featuring her grandson Leo snowboarding with the words “Leo’s Winter Adventure” written in Latin, and another depicting her grandson Harrison performing at his recent piano recital, this one inscribed with a Latin phrase meaning “That Ain’t Beethoven…That’s Harrison!” The designs of both quarters feature Janet Yellen’s face, looking on proudly as she observes her beloved grandsons participating in activities they love.
Over the next three years, there will be a total of eleven new quarters, each one depicting yet another one of Janet Yellen’s grandsons. Even Brian, who spilled soda on two different iPads last year, will be featured on a quarter that shows him trying to clean up a spill with paper towels alongside the Latin phrase “We Can’t Stay Mad At Brian.” That quarter is set to enter circulation in early 2026.
While the quarters might look beautiful, and Secretary Yellen’s grandsons are undeniably handsome, it’s a little frustrating that so many other handsome boys will never see their likeness on any coins at all because their grandmas don’t run the Treasury.
As if this whole situation weren’t frustrating enough already, the U.S. Mint had the gall to deny that there was any nepotism at play in the decision. “Yes, these boys all happen to be related to the Treasury Secretary, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be on our new line of quarters,” said a representative of the U.S. Mint. “Janet Yellen’s grandsons all worked incredibly hard to get their faces featured on U.S. currency, even Brian. Besides, it’s not like we’re honoring all of Secretary Yellen’s grandsons, just her eleven favorite grandsons.”
Yeah, sure. Does this guy expect us to believe that nepotism had nothing to do with this? We’re just not buying it. While it’s fine to admit that Janet Yellen’s favorite grandsons are awesome, and that these quarters are probably going to look great, it’s important to acknowledge that this decision wasn’t based purely on merit. Here’s hoping that next time around, the U.S. Mint gives some other worthy Americans a chance.
