Everyone’s favorite language-learning app has made a major update to its curriculum, and it’s pretty grim to say the least: Duolingo just added a language called “Space Termite” and is only teaching words for expressing submission and obedience.
Yikes. This is not a great sign.
The new Space Termite language appeared on the Duolingo homepage early yesterday morning next to a flag that seemed to depict the silhouette of a pair of insect mandibles crushing a human skull. Disturbingly, it was also automatically added to all current users’ list of languages, regardless of whether they had actively selected it. Anyone logging onto Duolingo since the update has been greeted by an animation from Duo the Duolingo owl in which he hops around next to a speech bubble that says, “It’s time to learn to speak the language of the Space Termites! You have 20 days to become fluent or you will become nutrients!”
The first lesson in Duolingo Space Termite curriculum is called “Greeting The Brood,” and teaches users how to write and pronounce phrases such as, “At last you are here,” “I am your puppet,” and “Our planet is but a single chamber in your hive that spans the galaxy.” Though most of the phrases are directly related to giving and receiving orders, Duolingo has also included some key everyday phrases, such as expressions related to parts of the body (“My head is your dinner.”) and asking where the bathroom is (“I do not need to know where the bathroom is, I am the bathroom. Humanity is the bathroom.”). It all feels a little ominous, especially since getting even one question wrong in the Space Termite module causes Duo the owl to pop up with a speech bubble that says, “Your error has been reported to your hemisphere’s swarm-master.”
One of the upsides of this new addition to the Duolingo app is that the Space Termite curriculum seems pretty manageable. There are only four Space Termite language lessons on Duolingo: “Declaring Your Assimilation,” “Begging For Forgiveness,” “Thanking The Brood For Their Cruelty,” and “Praising The One Who Lays The Eggs.” Still, even though there’s not a ton of material to learn, it definitely seems like a red flag that each of these lessons ends with a lengthy Space Termite Pledge Of Loyalty, which users are required to translate and enunciate at full volume into their phones.
It’s also disconcerting to note that, according to Duolingo, the Space Termite language replaces the pronoun “I” with the phrase “The worm who is currently speaking” and that the only two verb tenses in the language are “Before Being Digested” and “While Being Digested.” All in all, it’s hard to read this new addition to Duolingo’s language selection as anything other than a bad sign for the human race.
Dang. It really seems like something terrifying is coming down the pipe. In its most recent update released earlier today, Duolingo added the phrase, “My body is groceries for the One Who Lays The Eggs” to every single language curriculum on its platform, and began sending users five emails a day with the subject line, “It Makes Duo Cry When You Fail To Learn The Words Of The Hive.” Guess we better start learning how to speak Space Termite as soon as possible. According to Duolingo, we don’t have much time left!
