The heartbreaking culture of child abuse at Nickelodeon was recently brought to light by “Quiet On Set,” a docuseries that unveiled the “open secrets” of abusive behavior by former showrunner Dan Schneider and other employees. Fortunately, in response to these allegations, the network is taking action to prevent something like this from happening again: Nickelodeon has unveiled a new type of slime that will turn blue when poured over a pedophile.
It’s great to see the network righting their past wrongs.
In a statement released earlier today, Nickelodeon revealed that they have developed a new slime formulation that will immediately turn from classic bright green to a dull blue when it comes into contact with a pedophile. The network explained that going forward, all employees will be subjected to mandatory quarterly slimings, and that there will be a zero-tolerance policy for any employees for whom the slime turns blue.
The network further confirmed that the slime will turn blue not only for full-on pedophiles, but also for those with pedophilic tendencies, which the network defines as “any sexual proclivity that makes a normal person think, ‘absolutely the hell not.’” The network concluded by saying that while they don’t know how the slime works, they know that it does.
Although this new pedophile-outing slime will not help those who have already been hurt by former Nickelodeon employees, hopefully it will make a difference moving forward. This slime may have the power to prevent other instances of abuse as well, as Nickelodeon is reportedly in talks to license the slime to the Boy Scouts of America and Catholic Church.
