Well, well, well, it looks like public infrastructure is getting pretty spicy in the Pacific Northwest: Seattle is giving the figure on their city’s crosswalk signals a BBL.
Oh yes…yes, please! Move over grunge, coffee, and rainy weather: Seattle’s now the U.S. capital of surgically enhanced butts overlooking crosswalks!
After Seattle’s City Council voted to give the figure on their crosswalk signals a Brazilian butt lift last month, the city has officially begun rolling out their new and posteriorly-improved crosswalk character. Now, Seattle pedestrians will know it’s safe to cross a street when they see an outrageously curvy but otherwise featureless stick figure on the crosswalk signal, rather than a flat-assed twink. Seattle Mayor Katie B. Wilson explained that the decision to bootify the city’s crosswalk symbols was based on a desire to “spice things up” and “make the simple act of crossing a street a little erotic,” nothing more.
“We could sit here and pretend like giving our crosswalk figures a rounder, fuller ass was for some sort of public safety reason or progressive gesture, but the truth is, we just thought they would look good with a donk, so we gave them a donk-and-then-some, and yup, theory confirmed, they look good as hell,” wrote Mayor Wilson in an Instagram post announcing the fatter asses now gracing their crosswalk signs. “In Seattle, crossing the street is an erotic adventure, where observing pedestrian walking laws is rewarded with a front row view of an incredible, BBL-ified ass. I’ve already noticed people walking a little slower, to really take in that crosswalk cake. The results speak for themselves.”
We need much, much more of this in ALL American cities!
Well, if you ever see someone walking around with their pants tented up (from an erection), it’s safe to assume they just crossed a street in Seattle. What an amazing, cost effective way to make life a little more exciting for a city’s residents! Here’s to Seattle, America’s newly-crowned spiciest town!
