One of the most recognizable names in the restaurant world has just issued a flurry of despondent public statements that is currently turning the entire industry completely upside down: Dave & Buster’s is complaining that their customers are mostly slobs and losers when it’s intended to be a place for suave guys like James Bond.
This is devastating. It looks like the arcade chain’s grand dreams of being synonymous with effortless cool and sex appeal have been completely dashed.
Dave & Buster’s began posting the heartbreaking statements on their company’s official Instagram account late last night after executives at their corporate headquarters were confronted with “overwhelming evidence” that their restaurant and arcade franchise had become “a sanctuary for dweebs.”
“Dave & Buster’s was founded in 1982 with a simple goal: Create an awesome space where sex gods like James Bond, Prince, and Paul Newman could come to eat chicken Caesar salads, play video games, and pick up hot girls,” read the first post, which was titled “A Moment Of Crisis At D&B.” “Sadly, in the decades since we first opened our doors, it has become painfully apparent to us that Dave & Buster’s is a place where slobs and losers come to be sad and play Skee-Ball before going home to their lonely virgin lives.”
You’ve really got to feel for these folks. It’s so painful when you realize that the future you envisioned for yourself is never going to come true. Dave & Buster’s is going through a tough reality check.
In subsequent posts on their official social media accounts, Dave & Buster’s continued to lament the vast gulf between their vision of their restaurant as a hyper-cool hangout for the sexiest and most successful men and the grim reality of their actual clientele. “Dave & Buster’s should be a place where a super handsome professional athlete like Cristiano Ronaldo plays a game of House Of The Dead, then saunters over to the prize counter where he trades 500 tickets for a stuffed Sonic The Hedgehog,” read a widely circulated post from this morning. “Instead it’s a place where swarms of neckbeards and beta males show up in their stained jeans to play Skee-Ball (horrendously, by the way). We just don’t understand where we went wrong.”
Dave & Buster’s then spent several posts complaining about how bad their usual customers are at Skee-Ball.
There’s no way to sugarcoat it: This is incredibly hard to watch. Dave & Buster’s clearly dreamed of a world where they were the number one hangout for awesome guys, but they’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that they’re the go-to hangout for disheveled losers. It might not be what they envisioned for themselves, but they’re going to have to make the most of it!
