Fellas, we hope this won’t make you feel inadequate in comparison, but one absolute workhorse is setting what must be a new benchmark for male performance: It’s only been 20 minutes since his last time and this guy’s already able to cry again.
Jesus. This stud just can’t get enough, can he?
It hasn’t even been half an hour since human powerhouse Wade Stone finished his last cry session, but far from being spent for the night, he’s ready to start those tears flowing again to get back in there for another round. Stone isn’t some one-sob chump, either—his last crying jag was a non-stop marathon of convulsive gasping, honking nose-blowing, and truly siren-like wails. Most guys would barely have the energy to smoke a cigarette or grab a shower after that kind of weeping, but seeing how Stone’s eyes are once again misting up and he’s now rocking himself back and forth in an increasingly frantic manner, it’s starting to seem that his last cry might’ve just been a mere warmup for the main act..
While you’ve gotta feel for any of his neighbors who were hoping to get some sleep tonight, they’re probably too awed by the sheer duration of the low moans and occasional high-pitched cries of “Oh God!” coming from Stone’s apartment to be upset about it. Honestly, it’s a shame you can’t hook Stone’s tear ducts up to a generator, since the seemingly inexhaustible prowess and bottomless appetite this guy shows for crying would be enough to power a small city if you had some way to harness it. We’ve got to give some credit to whoever made Stone’s bed frame too, because the fact that it’s been able to stand up to his convulsive, full-body sobs and pitiful, tear-soaked writhing without collapsing from the strain is almost as impressive as this relentless weeping dynamo himself.
If we had to guess, Stone probably won’t end his truly heroic feat of lacrimal endurance until he’s checked off pretty much every crying technique in the book: crying on the kitchen counter, crying on the couch, maybe even a good old fashioned cry in the fetal position on the floor of a running shower if he feels like really hitting the classics. It’ll probably take him weeks to clean up all the snot and tears he’s blasting all over the place, but you can tell from the far-off look in his puffy, red eyes that his only focus right now is crying so hard it shakes the whole neighborhood.
Goddamn, this guy is an absolute machine!
We’ve heard plenty of guys make drunken boasts about being able to go multiple times in a row, but to actually see someone show this kind of superhuman stamina is truly unprecedented. All we can really do at this point is bow down before this iron man’s Herculean staying power and hope no one needs him to come into work in the morning.
