Brace yourself, because the following story is definitely going to make you cringe: This middle-aged man is trying way too hard to make his hickey be seen by everyone in the office.
Damn, dude, you’re like 36. Stop embarrassing yourself.
Even though he’s long past the age where it’s socially acceptable to even have a hickey, let alone be proud of one, Ben Packer of Baltimore, MD has been sitting at his desk all morning with his head tilted way back so that he can show off the bright red bruise on his neck to all of his surrounding coworkers. Although the hickey is pretty much unmissable, every few minutes Ben’s been getting up from his desk to walk around the office, where he continues to weirdly lean his head back to make sure the hickey is front and center as he parades it around.
God, this is pitiful. You’re not in 8th grade, dude! Literally no one is impressed.
Ben made things even more uncomfortable when he sidled up next to some coworkers in the kitchen and basically started framing the hickey with his hands, saying, “If anyone’s wondering why I’m wearing the same shirt as yesterday, it’s because I didn’t sleep at home last night”—clearly thinking his peers would be wowed by the implication of a sexual encounter. However, none of his coworkers took the bait and asked about his hickey, which unfortunately did not deter Ben, who then doubled down by adding, “Tinder girls are crazy, man…things got pretty wild,” while not-so-subtly gesturing at the fucked-up blotch on his neck.
Jesus, what a depressing scene. You’re an adult man, for crying out loud. Guys your age are starting families, and you’re proud of a hickey? The only way a hickey should make you feel is ashamed. Shit’s not appropriate. Pull yourself together, dude, and start behaving in a manner befitting a professional workplace.
