If you’re still baffled by how Trump’s would-be assassin was able to evade rally security, you’re not alone. However, for better or worse, we may finally have an explanation: A new report suggests Trump’s shooter went undetected because the Secret Service was distracted by two deer that were kissing like humans.
Wow. It makes sense that Secret Service protocol wouldn’t be prepared for that type of thing.
FBI investigators learned that as Trump’s assassin was setting up an AR 15-style rifle from the roof of a nearby building, the Secret Service’s attention was diverted to two white-tailed deer French kissing in a strangely humanlike manner under a tree at the rally’s outer perimeter. According to reports, all Secret Service members on duty that day corroborated accounts of “two deer standing upright and embracing in a kiss with uncannily human posture and body language—the doe was leaning against a tree, both hooves draped over the buck’s shoulders, whose hooves were around the doe’s waist, on her buttocks—until the sound of the gunman’s rifle firing at President Trump sent the deer sprinting into the woods hand-in-hand, running on two feet, also like people.”
“Though the deer did not appear to be a threat, the startlingly humanlike way they were kissing was simply impossible to ignore, which unfortunately allowed Thomas Matthew Crooks to enter shooting position undetected,” explained former Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle, who resigned as a result of the security lapse and also swears she personally saw the doe try to brush the buck’s antlers behind his ear like it was hair, even though that doesn’t make sense for deer to do for a number of reasons.
“Our staff’s attention should’ve been on Mr. Trump’s safety no matter how the deer were kissing. We know that now. But at the time, it was not possible to look at these deer literally giving each other hickeys and whispering in each other’s ears and giggling, just like human beings, and not request our whole staff to visually confirm that we were seeing what we were seeing. That is our perspective on what happened.”
Just absolutely fascinating.
Suffice it to say, this is not the explanation we expected, but at least we understand why Trump’s assassin wasn’t noticed sooner. It’s not every day you see two deer kissing exactly the way humans do. Well, at the very least, you can bet that the Secret Service is building this kind of situation into their protocol from now on!
