Whether it’s Kendall Jenner’s tequila, Ryan Reynold’s gin, or Matthew McConaughey’s whiskey, celebrity-owned liquor brands have been a major trend these last few years. The newest celeb to throw her hat in the wine and spirits ring is an international star, but her botched efforts are pretty hard to watch: Connie Britton is trying to get in on the trend of celebrity-owned liquor with a new line of vodka-soaked tampons.
C’mon, Connie. You know you can do better than this.
According to an announcement posted on her Instagram earlier this week, Connie Britton has launched a line of vodka-soaked tampons, and from the looks of it, she seems to be running the entire operation herself. The social media post features a photo of the White Lotus actress wearing a pair of Speedo swimming goggles while dunking cardboard tampons into a bowl of Kirkland-brand vodka and placing them into a Ziploc baggie. As the post’s caption explains, “There’s nothing like a crisp cocktail at the end of a long day, but sometimes, you don’t want to drink it. You just want to feel it. From your vagina. That’s why I’m so proud to say that Connie’s Vadka [sic] Tampons are now available exclusively on Facebook Marketplace.”
Yikes. It looks like the Friday Night Lights actress has made a pretty severe error in judgment here.
In a video advertisement for her new and woefully misguided product, Connie can be seen stumbling around a packed bar and colliding with multiple people before turning to the camera and saying, “Woo-wee, I’m drunk as hell! But I haven’t had a sip. How’d I do it?” She then holds up a plastic bag full of sopping wet tampons with “Connie’s Vadka [sic] Tampons” written on it in marker. “My tampons are a totally safe and fun way to get wasted, though to be clear, if they make your body go nutso, you can’t sue me,” a statement that, according to legal experts, is not going to hold up in court if she does get sued. Connie concludes the video by saying, “Not everyone has a vagina. But probably everyone has an asshole,” before winking to the camera, which, regretfully, seems to be the main catchphrase she’s going with for the product, because the phrase has been printed on billboards all across New York City.
Good Lord. This is so upsetting to see. Surely Connie could have figured out a way to create her own liquor brand without stooping to such a sad level. Here’s hoping Connie rebounds with a better idea once this vodka-soaked tampon company is inevitably shut down.