Salute! Salute the coal! If you are a TRUE PATRIOT you will salute!!!

YES! COAL! HERE IT IS! THE MIRACLE CONCRETE THAT GROWS IN THE HILLS! COAL!

Hallelujah! The holy chicken nugget of the Earth! USA! USA!

Cha-woo, cha-woo, cha-woo! When you shove that sweet, brown coal medicine into Thomas’ cute ass, he wakes from the dead and starts zipping around! It feels good in his blue lungs! Chumma-chumma, awooooga!

Oh my God!!!!! So much coal! Gather your woman and show her the coal so that she may know!

My, my, who is this gorgeous beast tumbling forth from yonder chimney? Why, it’s none other than Fat Father Christmas, with a paw full of—you guessed it—coal! Huzzah!!!

Did you know that coal is the special luxury vegetable that comes from a mountain?!?

The purpose of coal is to set it on fire. That way, it becomes beautiful clouds! THE BEAUTIFUL CLOUDS FLOAT UP TO HEAVEN TO LIVE WITH THE LORD!!!

Thank you to the BRAVE COAL NANNIES who set the coal on fire to create the beautiful clouds!

THE FACTS CAN’T LIE: Coal is giving America MILLIONS of jobs every day!

Ordinary mountain? NO! Look closely and you will see that the mountain is shaped like the Christian heroes Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and not only that, their faces are 100 percent gorged with nutritious brown coal!!! It is God’s gift to the USA!

One of these is the most valuable rock in the world…CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?!?!? (*Scroll to bottom for answer)

That coal. That car. Goosebumps.

NO!!!!!!!!!

How wonderful it is to blow up a mountain with your family and use your baseball gloves to catch the marvelous brown coal as it falls from the sky!

Rub the coal upon your hamburgers to give them the famous coal taste, just like the burgers at Burger King! A terrific taste! A terrific taste!

Even the American eagle knows: Coal is the stunning brown treat from the mountains, and all our families love it!

The lump. The legend. Coal.

*ANSWER: Coal (brown one)