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The hype machine for the upcoming Star Wars movie The Force Awakens is in full swing, and I’ll be the first to admit that the teaser trailers do an excellent job of selling the movie. Still, I’m afraid that the new Star Wars film will never live up to the hype set up for it, but not nearly as afraid as I am of dying in a car wreck.
The fact is, I’m worried that J.J. Abrams’ movies won’t capture the magic of the original Star Wars trilogy, but I worry more every time I set foot in an automobile. Of course, the thought of a poor reimagining of the Star Wars universe is painful, but it could never possibly compare to the pain of being trapped in a flame-engulfed car at the bottom of a 10-car pileup.
I’m worried that J.J. Abrams’ movies won’t capture the magic of the original Star Wars trilogy, but I worry more every time I set foot in an automobile.
You see, I can’t help but shudder at the thought of an elderly Han Solo, but even that doesn’t hold a candle to the thought of getting T-boned by a semi truck in the middle of an intersection. Even when you think of the possibility of Disney executives shamelessly trying to turn Star Wars into the next Avengers, it still seems preferable to dying in a car accident.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully expect The Force Awakens to be entertaining, and I know that modern automobiles have airbags, seat belts, and crumble zones built in. But at the end of the day, this is a sequel to a classic that came out over 30 years ago, and there are well over 30,000 fatal car accidents every single year.
Before anyone calls me a pessimist, let me restate that I really am looking forward to The Force Awakens. My point is merely to temper your expectations with a healthy dose of realism and get you to accept that even a short trip to the supermarket could end your life. Cars are incredibly dangerous machines that haunt my nightmares, but hey, at least we don’t have to worry about Jar Jar Binks showing up.
